


Categories

by melliejellie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Awkward Hand Jobs, Crushes, Fluff, Getting Together, Kuroo is Kuroo, M/M, Making Out, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Teenage Drama, Yamaguchi is a good friend, all's well that ends well, less awkward hand jobs, tsukki is a robot learning to love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-03 11:32:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melliejellie/pseuds/melliejellie
Summary: Tsukishima Kei puts everyone in his life into categories - family, teammates, friends, and others. For so long, "friend" had only contained one person, Yamaguchi, but now Kuroo is in there, too. Except, Kuroo is pushing every boundary of that category and Kei realizes that as uncomfortable as it makes him, it might be okay. There will be ups and (some major) downs with these two functionally dysfunctional boys, but they’ll make it.





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you getting Kuroo-san anything?” Tadashi looked sideways at Kei as a commercial interrupted the show they were watching. They were sitting on the floor on opposite sides of a low table. Kei had his back against the wall and Tadashi was leaning on his forearms.

“Hadn’t thought about it.” Lie. He’d thought about it nearly every night, among other Kuroo-related things, when he couldn’t sleep for the last week or so. “Why would I?” 

“I don’t know, we all bought a graduation gift for our third years, so I thought…”

“That was a team gift. I didn’t go pick out anything.”

“But you also don’t stay up too late every night texting Daichi-san, Tsukki.” Tadashi dragged out the final sound of his nickname while smirking. 

Kei’s only reply was a quick tongue click and a sour look as he went back to staring at the TV. 

“Alright, I’ll just bring it up again later. And then probably again after that. And after that until you give me a good answer. I suspect it’ll take a few times, but you’ll crack.” Tadashi accented his final thought with a finger pointed in Kei’s direction. 

In this moment, Kei knew that three facts were true. One, only Tadashi could get away with any of this. Two, crushes were terrible and stupid and embarrassing. Three, having one friend who knows all your business and pushes you in the right direction even when you come kicking and screaming can actually be a really good thing while also being a terrible thing. 

They continued to sit in a comfortable silence. There was never any awkwardness with Tadashi, and Tsukki felt weird around most people. Other people didn’t always make sense. Tadashi, though, he was like the sun, but not in an annoying Hinata way. Like, the sun makes sense. It’s irritating sometimes, can be too much and hurt your eyes or bother you, but you need it and it’s easy to see the purpose it serves in your life. 

“Do you want to switch to another show--” Tadashi started. 

“What would you get?” The two spoke at the same time. 

“What?” Tadashi’s hands dropped to the table.

Kei groaned and slumped hard against the wall behind him, running his fingers through his hair before repeating himself. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t say it. “What would you get someone for, like, a graduation present?”

Tadashi tucked his hands under his chin, resting his elbows on the table in front of him. He looked deep in thought, like this had been the challenge he’d been waiting for all day. “I don’t know, since I don’t have a boyfriend--”

“Not a boyfriend.”

“-don’t have a boyfriend like you,” Tadashi knew just how to play the Kei conversation game, “it’s hard to know what would be just right. It would need to be something meaningful, special to him or the two of you. It could say all the words that won’t come out of your sarcastic mouth.” At that, he threw his hands open wide like the words were taking up physical space. 

“As a rule, I try not to let a lot of words come out of my mouth.”

“False. You say shady stuff all the time. It’s the sincere stuff that’s tough.” Tadashi glanced up to the ceiling. “Fine. If you’re still not ready, do something thoughtful, you’re still friends, after all. But Tsukki, one of these days I’m gonna yell at you like I did about you not caring about volleyball earlier this year. You wait so long and you can be so frustrating!” He threw his head back with a laugh.

Tsukki scowled but there was no venom in it. He knew these things about himself. Sometimes it was weird to remember that Tadashi knew them, too. 

***  
Tadashi had been right. Kuroo was a friend. Kei had exactly two friends. He was content with this change in his life. For many years he had only had one and though Kuroo was difficult to categorize, nothing approaching a “relationship” had manifested, so for now he was filed away as “friend.” Kei had categories for everyone he knew -- family, teammates, friends, and others. The friend category had, for so long, only contained Tadashi and now its definitions were being pushed to the limits. 

Like, Tadashi could send him selfies. Kei would grin at them and send something teasing in response or a picture of his own. Earlier, Tadashi had sent a picture of him and Hinata after some successful extra serve practice and Kei had just smiled and sent back a “thumbs up” emoji.

Kuroo also sent him selfies. Some fit neatly into the friend category with Tadashi. Earlier this week, he had sent a selfie of himself with the biggest bowl of ramen Kei had ever seen. Kei had laughed and sent back a pig emoji, warning Kuroo to “be careful.” 

Other selfies did not fit neatly into this category, which is why Kei found himself staring at his phone instead of his Japanese literature homework. It was late and Kei was grateful that the sun had set because these kinds of feelings did not belong in the daytime. His phone was lying on top of his homework displaying a selfie Kuroo had sent him after Nekoma’s volleyball practice. The same situation as Tadashi’s selfie, and yet, not even close to being the same. 

Kuroo was grinning, which was usually enough to make Kei think things he didn’t want to think, but he was sweaty and his shirt was slipping up his sides because Kuroo had positioned the phone high above his head. Kei blinked for the first time in a while. His chest felt warm and so did parts of his body that he tried to forget needed things because he was a rational person, he assured himself, who hated feelings, and this was certainly a feeling. A difficult feeling. A warm and growing hot feeling. An I can no longer focus on my homework feeling. A very unwelcome feeling, but impossible to ignore. 

Kei stood up quickly, his rolling chair hitting his bed on the other side of the room. He picked up his phone and moved to his bed, propping his back against his pillows. As his free hand wandered down, he imagined that same grin from a different angle. He saw Kuroo above him, strong arms on both sides of his head, the muscles of his chest heaving as the grin broke and choked out, “Kei.” 

This was not a friend selfie. Kuroo had been categorized as a friend, but neither the photo nor his response fit, Kei decided later that evening. He also made another decision. Kuroo deserved to be sent a selfie, too. 

***  
At practice the next day, Kei felt more awkward and far less sure than he had after a release of frustration in the dark of his own room. Now the plan seemed dumb. Kuroo was attractive. Kei was not. These were also categories that helped him understand the world. Last night he had felt like he was in one category, but then morning came and he looked in the mirror to see the same pale face and the same stringy arms. He discarded the plan quickly and focused on blocking.

Only he must not have done a great job. “What’s up your butt today?” Tadashi laughed, clapping him on the back as they cleaned up. 

Kei clicked his tongue. 

“I’m the Tsukki whisperer. I’ll guess! It’s… a bad grade. Ha, no, you never get those. It’s Hinata. The brightness of his spirit hurts you whenever you see him.” Tadashi kept rambling as they walked to the club room together. “...it’s something from Kuroo.”

Without meaning to, Kei missed a step.

“Oooooh, I got it!”

Kei kept walking, shaking his head. 

“No, no, no I totally got it. Oh what did he send you? What’d he say, what’d he say?” 

Kei stopped abruptly and checked that no one was listening. “What if someone heard you?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll whisper, but please,” Tadashi pleaded, “I’m the only person you talk to about this, and even then, not really. I can literally not help with anything else in your life. Give me this! It’s so fun. I have no one to date and these updates give me life.” 

“That’s pitiful.”

“I’m fully aware. Now tell me.”

Kei made a final check of the area to make sure no other students were around. “He sent a picture.” Clearly he should have said more based on Tadashi’s reaction - a gasp and wide eyes.

“No, not like, ugh,” Kei groaned, “he was clothed!” He yelled louder than he wanted to before whispering again. “It was just him after practice.”

“Did you like it?”

“Gross.”

“Ha, you did. You really did.” Tadashi had his hands up by his face, all but squeezing his own cheeks from the joy of watching Kei be so uncomfortable with his feelings. 

Kei responded with a soft growl.

“And now you won’t tell me anything else, so I can guess again. It’s fine, Tsukki, you’ve done such a good job already. Very proud. Um… now you don’t know what to say back. Ooh, no! It’s that you don’t know what to send back, like a text or a picture, too! You’re getting red, so I know I’m right. In fact,” Tadashi reached for Kei’s phone from his hand, “with this blush it’d be just about perfect.”

“Oh my god, no.” Kei snapped his phone back. “No. I regret all of my words.” Kei put his head down and kept walking towards the club room. 

Tadashi actually skipped behind him. 

***  
When Kei finally started the walk home, the sun was beginning to set. Tadashi walked with him until they separated in front of Tadashi’s neighborhood and Tadashi parted with a friendly wave, content to not bug Kei anymore that day.

Kei made a few more steps before he stopped. Deciding that the sunset actually made everything look kind of… better, he took out his phone, slapped on a scowl, took a photo, typed “hey,” and pressed send. 

Then he muted all notifications and shoved his phone deep in his backpack. 

***  
Several hours later, as Kei was heading to bed, he scrounged up the courage to dig his phone out of his backpack and see if Kuroo had responded. 

He had. 27 times.

Kuroo>> Nice! good practice today?  
Kuroo>> ours was good  
Kuroo>> still whipping Lev into shape  
Kuroo>> he doesn’t take to my stellar training techniques as easily as you do  
Kuroo>> were you inspired by my photo  
Kuroo>> is this a thing we’re doing now?  
Kuroo>> I’m like your fit-spiration  
Kuroo>> volley-spiration  
Kuroo>> with my perspiration  
Kuroo>> across the nation  
Kuroo>> are you there  
Kuroo>> are you reading this?  
Kuroo>> that was gold  
Kuroo>> GOLD.  
Kuroo>> I should be a writer in college  
Kuroo>> a poet  
Kuroo>> sitting in campus coffee shops with my hair in my face  
Kuroo>> scrawling in well-worn journals  
Kuroo>> I can’t believe I move in a week from now  
Kuroo>> ooh! If we’re sending pics now, I’m gonna send you everything  
Kuroo>> everything  
Kuroo>> about college life  
Kuroo>> Tsukki~ are you reading these?  
Kuroo>> are you ignoring me?  
Kuroo>> fine. I’ll just make it be my bedtime now  
Kuroo>> usually we talk before bedtime  
Kuroo>> _attachment loading_

Kei looked at a photo of Kuroo lying down on his pillow, a pouty lip and sad eyes across his face. He didn’t reply, flipped his phone over on his nightstand, and went to bed. 

***  
“You’re hanging out with who this weekend?” Kei whipped around after catching the tail end of a conversation the third years were having. The team was meeting together one last time as a big group in a park near Karasuno before the third years finally made their way to college or the world of jobs and careers. 

“Kuroo-san, you remember, the Nekoma captain?” Daichi answered.

“Yea, I’m familiar.” He shrugged. “What are you doing all the way in Tokyo?” 

“Suga’s attending the same university and it’s move-in weekend. They’re in totally different schools there, Suga’s in the school of Education and Kuroo is… I have no idea, but it’s not education, and we thought it’d be nice to meet up.” 

“Why are you going to Suga’s move in?” Kei asked.

Asahi tumbled in to the conversation. “Because Daichi is such a good friend.” The taller boy leaned his elbow on Daichi’s shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

Kei shrugged.

“I’ll tell him you said ‘hi.’” Daichi added. 

“Whatever.”

“Good, I’ll tell him you said, ‘whatever.’ ‘Hi’ might confuse people, coming from you.” 

Suga rolled in to join them again and the trio dove into another round of “do you remember that time when…” that would inevitably end with raucous laughter or buckets of tears. Even Kiyoko had shared a sniffle or two. Kei had grown weary of both responses. He couldn’t imagine ever being that sentimental. He looked over at Tadashi, laughing with Noya and Tanaka, and thought maybe in two years he would feel that way about Tadashi. But Kei also understood that life has chapters and some close periodically. 

He realized with a start that he maybe had never had a life chapter end, not really. Sure, childhood ends, but it’s gradual and so many have an eagerness to grow up, including Kei. And Tadashi had been with him since grade school. His chapter had never closed because there had been so many constants - family, that one friend. Akiteru going to college was kind of a chapter closing, Kei reasoned, but he was home so often, it kind of wasn’t. Kei shuddered slightly, wondering if there were more part of him that might come out in new situations -- like this thing with Kuroo.

Kei jumped back into the conversation. “What day do you leave?”

Daichi blinked. “Friday morning.”

Kei pushed his glasses up his face. “Thanks.” Then he darted back away again, leaving the three third years puzzled. 

***  
Kei bought Kuroo a planner. It was black, naturally, and simple. The only decoration in the soft leather was an embossed marking of the year. Kei gently ran the tips of his fingers down the cover before handing it to the cashier to pay for it it and have it gift wrapped. Dark blue paper. No bow. Absolutely no ribbons of any kind. A present that fit into the friend category. The tag on the outside read:

To: Kuroo  
From: Tsukishima 

He debated writing their given names after family names, but decided against it.

As he got on his bike to leave, his eyes kept leaving the road to watch the small brown paper bag in his basket. A gift for a friend. Friends buy each other gifts. He does this for Tadashi for important occasions. Graduating is an occasion. This is no different.

Instead of going straight home, Kei turned left into another familiar neighborhood. He biked until he was in front of a yellow house with vegetables showing signs of sprouting on nearly every patch of green outside in the early spring air. Kei took several deep breaths, shoved his glasses up his face a few times, and nearly turned back around before pressing the doorbell.

Right after the sweet little chime, a woman came to the door. “Ah! Hello! Tsukishima, right?” She motioned for Kei to step into the genkan. “Dai-kun, a volleyball friend is here!” She shouted down the hallway. She waited until Daichi walks in from another room to leave. “Thank you so much for coming today.”

“Thank you for having me.” Kei added awkwardly, still standing in the genkan with his shoes on. He had weighed this decision in his mind all week. His options had been to mail the planner, give it to Daichi, or try to get to Tokyo. The first option meant he would have had to ask Kuroo for his address, which felt deeply personal for some reason. Plus he was about to move and there was too much worry about it getting there late. The last option meant that he would have to use his own money to get to Tokyo, arrange to meet with Kuroo, and then spend a bunch of time with him. While that didn’t seem like the worst, it also was the option that twisted his stomach into so many knots that it became the worst. Giving it to Daichi was the best option for now, but Kei worried about the third years talking about it -- the one downside. 

To say that Daichi looked confused would be an understatement. He looked down at Kei and put on one of his comforting dad-like smiles. “What’cha need?”

“I’m… I have… favor…” Kei jostled the paper bag in his hand, looking up at Daichi from the genkan. 

“Come in. It’s weird talking to someone when I’m standing above them, or…” he took in the situation, “better yet, I’ll throw on some shoes and we’ll talk outside.”

Kei nodded and briskly opened the door. Daichi followed behind him with some sandals on over his socks.

Kei nodded again, like a little bow, and began, “I know you must be busy, getting ready to leave tomorrow, but I have a small favor, if it’s not troublesome.” He held out the bag and motions for Daichi to take it. “It’s… you said you would see Kuroo-san this weekend and,” his skin betrayed him, growing warm and pink, “this is a graduation gift for him and if you could take it I would really appreciate it. It’s just like how we got gifts for you guys, you know, “he quickly added, “to thank you guys for… everything… or whatever.”

Daichi took the paper bag and Kei waited for a laugh to joke to break the tension or make him realize this is so much more awkward and awful than he thought it would be. Instead, Daichi smiled. “Of course. I’d be happy to. Not troublesome at all!” 

Kei let out a little of the breath he’d been holding. He noticed how Daichi held the presently gently in his hands, one palm holding it up from the bottom, like it was fragile. 

“Well, thank you very much, Sawamura-san. Please have safe travels. I hope Sugawara-san’s move goes well.” The words came out robotically, but he did mean them even though he made no eye contact at all.

“Thanks, Tsukishima. I’ll deliver this, promise.”

They said their goodbyes quickly and Kei biked away from the house fast enough to make the cooler spring air of the evening whip the redness out of his cheeks and replace it with a chilly sting. 

***  
Late Saturday night, Kei received a string of texts from Kuroo, faster than he could reply.

Kuroo>> Tsukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
Kuroo>> you got me a present  
Kuroo>> it is very nice  
Kuroo>> and you are very nice, too! you thought about me!  
Kuroo>> I have already purchased stickers to use with it  
Kuroo>> Suga helped me pick them out  
Kuroo>> they are black cats, ofc  
Kuroo>> they will remind me to do my homework and kick ass at practice and text you pictures  
Kuroo>> really, tho, thank you

Kei>> it’s nothing special  
Kei>> but you’re welcome

Kuroo>> it’s special to me!  
Kuroo>> you picked it out  
Kuroo>> for me  
Kuroo>> and it’s useful  
Kuroo>> like, it’s a very YOU present

Kei>> what does that mean?

Kuroo>> like, kenma got me a hoodie that has cat ears attached  
Kuroo>> and bokuto got me two shot glasses and a note that says ‘to be continued’  
Kuroo>> and you got me a planner that I can use  
Kuroo>> every  
Kuroo>> single  
Kuroo>> day 

Kei>> I’m glad you find it useful  
Kei>> It can help you get it together.

Kuroo>> oh, no hope of that  
Kuroo>> but now I can keep track of everything I forget outside of volleyball!  
Kuroo>> and and and  
Kuroo>> the planner stickers, with the cats, I guess because they are black cats  
Kuroo>> they came with a lot of moon stickers  
Kuroo>> and you know, black cats and the moon, they just go together 

Kei stared. He usually took a little while to respond. He liked to think, most of the time, before he wrote something back, a rule that applied to his texts with everyone. Kei also liked to take things at face value. Kuroo liked the planner. Good. He was glad. Kuroo says a cat and a moon go well together? Not good or bad. Confusing. Kei wanted to peel back the layers, but that wasn’t how conversations worked for Kei. He had very little practice and feared overthinking everything. Though, overthinking had become a painful habit lately. 

He started typing, erased, typed again and again a few times before settling. 

Kei>> they do  
Kei>> like at halloween  
Kei>> or at night

He cringed. Those were very dumb words he had just typed with his very dumb hands. 

Kuroo>> like our chats! at bedtime!  
Kuroo>> I know you’re allergic to sincerity  
Kuroo>> and I enjoy that about you  
Kuroo>> but I have been more nervous this past week than I have been in a long time  
Kuroo>> and knowing I have such good friends and you  
Kuroo>> makes it all a little easier  
Kuroo>> okay now say something snarky  
Kuroo>> I’m getting allergic, too 

Such good friends… and you… and you… and you… separate from friends. 

Kei>> I give you a planner  
Kei>> you give me hives  
Kei>> not a fair trade 

Kuroo>> aaaah, better  
Kuroo>> good night, Tsuki~

Kei>> g’night Kuroo-san

Kei took forever to fall asleep. He kept seeing “such good friends and you” over and over, mixing with memories of photos he’d received from Kuroo throughout the week. ...and you, and you, and you. Kei lived his life through neat categorization. Kuroo defied categorization. It was annoying and embarrassing and frustrating and it was the best. 

Kei woke up the next morning grinning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima Kei puts everyone in his life into categories - family, teammates, friends, and others. For so long, friend had only contained one person, Yamaguchi, but now Kuroo is in there, too. Except, Kuroo is pushing every boundary of that category and Kei realizes that as uncomfortable as it makes him, it might be okay.
> 
> But sometimes, people and their emotions are way too ridiculous to figure out, especially when Kuroo visits Miyagi.

Even though the late May morning was just barely too warm for the weight of his jacket, Kei flipped up the hood and turned up the music in his headphones as he stood outside of his nearest train station. Daichi would be showing up soon, too. He didn’t want to be rude, necessarily, but Kei needed to be alone for as many minutes as he could get this morning. 

Being alone was difficult, though. At just before 9am on a Saturday, the station was full of people buying tickets for a day out or arriving for a day of visiting family or friends, judging by the busy conversations all around him. It wasn’t like any Tokyo station, it was still Miyagi after all, but the comfort of Kei’s room would have been far preferable to waking up early, picking out clothes for way too long, and then trudging over to the train station to be around people. 

Or one particular person. His brain’s favorite new hobby was overthinking interactions with Kuroo, and that morning was no different. As he waited, headphones on, hood up, Kei replayed the odd conversations from the past two days. He turned the music up even louder to drown out the voices around him and the ones in his mind Was it possible to be excited and mortified at the same time?

***  
Wednesday had ended normally enough. Kei and Kuroo had texted while they both finished classwork, fading in and out of chatting as they focused. Just before the time Kei usually decided to go to bed, Kuroo asked for a quick video chat. 

Kuroo>> I cannot balance this chemistry equation  
Kuroo>> and you are science

Kei>> I AM science?

Kuroo>> Yep  
Kuroo>> Will you look at it for me?

Kei>> fine. Send a pic.

Kuroo>> agh, but I need to explain what I’ve done so far  
Kuroo>> and it’s soooo much to type  
Kuroo>> and there’s all those weird little numbers  
Kuroo>> vid chat?

The notification sound for an incoming video call chimed before Kei could even reply. They had video chatted a few times over the past few weeks, including more than a couple drunk calls from Kuroo at parties, so it wasn’t exactly weird, but Kei still thought a lot about where to put his hands and what expression to put on his face as they talked. Plus, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was off. He noticed that Kuroo seemed stiffer than usual, but nothing really stuck out until Kuroo dragged out the end of the conversation. 

“You did it!” Kuroo exclaimed, throwing up his arms and shaking the camera. 

Kei rolled his eyes. “If you could do all the others, what was hard about that one?” 

Kuroo shrugged and grinned. Good god, that grin. “Got tired? Confused myself? Wanted to give you an opportunity to feel smarter than me?”

“You don’t need to provide those opportunities. They often present themselves naturally.” Kei leaned back in his desk chair, smirking.

“Sure,” Kuroo raised an eyebrow, “just like how opportunities to be a blocker of a much higher caliber with so much more natural talent comes up so often for me, too.” 

“Brains over brawn.”

“Age before beauty.”

Kei’s breath caught for a second before his next retort. “So you are both ugly and old, then?” He refused to acknowledge the rest of that saying, but knew his brain would frustratingly file it away for overthinking later. 

“So mean! I hope your dreams are full of nightmares.” Kuroo laughed. 

Kei laughed, too. “Right, well it’s time for my nightmares.” He leaned in to get ready to hit the “end call” button.

“So soon?” Kuroo whined. 

“Most of us don’t have the luxury of an 11am start on Thursday mornings.”

“True, my Tuesday/Thursday schedule is pretty amazing.”

“And I have to be awake enough to lead blocking drills with the first years before classes.”

Kuroo grinned from ear to ear. “My little kouhai has grown so much. He’s leading his team! He’s working to ensure another trip to nationals this year!”

Kei clicked his tongue. “Whatever. It’s better to bark orders than take them.”

“You listened to mine.”

“Hardly.”

“With an attitude, for sure, but you did.” As he spoke Kuroo kept leaning closer towards his phone screen. He was still sitting at his desk, but his head was resting on one palm and his eyes looked soft and tired. 

Kei caught himself staring. “I have to sleep now.”

Kuroo opened his mouth to speak, closed it, then repeated that little dance a few times before replying with just a quiet, “okay.” 

Kei knew his response was weird, but he wasn’t about to pry. He had neither the skills nor the desire to correctly ask Kuroo if things were fine right now. If someone had something to tell you, and it was important enough, they would just do it, he reasoned. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Kuroo-san.”

Kuroo simply nodded. “Thanks, again, for the help. Good night, Tsukki.”

***  
When Kei slid his fingers over his phone to shut off his alarm the next morning he woke up to texts from Kuroo - a ton of them.

2:38am  
Kuroo>> I know you’re asleep, but I just caaaaan’t  
Kuroo>> everyone is asleep  
Kuroo>> I talked to Kenma until he fell asleep  
Kuroo>> this is stupid but I just want to talk to someone  
Kuroo>> even if they aren’t talking back  
Kuroo>> you know?  
Kuroo>> nah, I can’t imagine you’ve ever just been dying to talk to anyone  
Kuroo>> this is dumb  
Kuroo>> good night

4:27  
Kuroo>> STILL  
Kuroo>> AWAKE  
Kuroo>> I am glad these aren’t waking you up  
Kuroo>> I just exercised ‘cause I felt all jittery  
Kuroo>> and I haven’t had coffee or anything  
Kuroo>> my apartment is so quiet  
Kuroo>> and it’s like, I made some friends  
Kuroo>> kind of  
Kuroo>> but this living alone  
Kuroo>> taking care of myself  
Kuroo>> I am just not good at it  
Kuroo>> I tried talking to Bokuto but he is doing so much better and just tells me how great things are and I agree because it’s easier than making him get all worked up about things

5:05  
Kuroo>> tomorrow, when you get up, tell me about a time when you were stressed  
Kuroo>> or lonely  
Kuroo>> I’m gonna just stay up and try to get breakfast with Suga

Kuroo’s brain was excitable and could jump around, but this wasn’t normal. Kei got dressed, slung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed his breakfast on the way out, and called Kuroo. If Kuroo wouldn’t tell him, he’d have to ask. 

“Good morning Tsukki!” the chipper voice on the other end didn’t match the string of late night messages.

“Good morning, Kuroo-san. Did you sleep at all?” Right to the point. It was too early to attempt to beat around the bush. He never had excelled at that, anyway.

“Nope! And it’s fine. I’m meeting Suga for breakfast in 20 minutes. It’s weird, you know? We never hung out in high school, really, but now I see him almost everyday.”

Kei didn’t reply. He didn’t know how to say “you sound weird” or “are you sure you’re okay that you didn’t sleep at all?” So instead he just said, “So what did you do all night?”

“I talked to everyone I could until they went to sleep. I exercised. I made, then ate, some weird pasta dish with a sauce I made up. I watched a ton of TV. I think I fell asleep for little bits here and there. It’ll hit me later, but I’m okay now.”

“You...sure?” 

“In general? Kind of.” Kuroo laughed. “I am just not crushing college like I thought I would. Like, on the outside, I am -- my grades are fine, I’m on the volleyball team, I hang out with the team -- so all this worry I have about if I am ‘doing college’ right or wrong is so dumb.” He groaned, “It’s like I think here’s this right way to live after high school and I’m missing the mark or, like, everyone else has things figured out but me.”

Kei usually needed processing time but with a back and forth voice conversation, he didn’t have it. Kuroo sounded upbeat but there was a lot of odd emotions swirling around in everything he was saying. Kei searched for words. He was not a comforting friend. No one, no one would ever put him in that category. And it made him uncomfortable when people fell apart or poured out their guts to him. Like, Kei did that sometimes, but he did it in his head and played music until it got stuffed back down.

“It’s not so dumb.” Kei replied after a beat, his voice soft. 

“What?”

Kei couldn’t tell if Kuroo didn’t hear him or if it didn’t make sense. He repeated, “It’s not so dumb. I--” he paused, before continuing, slow and choppy, “I understand what you mean.”

Kuroo didn’t say anything, but Kei could hear breathing. “You still there, Kuroo-san?”

It took another beat, “I am. Thanks. I’m going to get ready to meet Suga now. Thank you for calling.”

“Sure.” They said their goodbyes and Kei kept walking to school. He met up with Tadashi in their normal spot, but aside from their usual greetings, they didn’t talk. Kei was processing and Tadashi was used to that look on his friend’s face. Kei needed time and a quiet walk to school.

***  
Kei and Tadashi weren’t in the same homeroom this year, but they often met in the school’s main courtyard to eat lunch. The afternoon was pleasantly warm, a clear sign that June was soon on its way, and nearby Kei could see Hinata and Kageyama getting ready to run volleyball drills after shovelling food down their throats. 

“Do they even chew? Or are they just like snakes?” Kei grimaced.

Tadashi shrugged and flopped down onto the grass in the hint of shade provided by a young tree. “Your brain done thinking?” 

Kei raised an eyebrow.

“From this morning. You were stuck thinking. Everything alright?”

Tadashi made that question seem so easy to ask. Kei bristled, his body tensing.

“Hm, either that is a reaction that means ‘please drop it, I’m not done’ or a reaction that means ‘please ask me again because I cannot figure out anything without you, Yamaguchi.’” Tadashi made a dramatic act out of peering into Kei’s face from across his lunch. “After careful consideration, I have decided it’s the second one. So, Tsukki, did something happen this morning?”

In response, Kei unlocked his phone and scrolled up to the start of Kuroo’s messages. Tadashi took the phone and skimmed through until he reached the end, where Tsukki called him.

“What did he say this morning?” Tadashi’s voice was filled with concern.

“He just spilled his guts about college and how things are going. I had nothing good to say.”

Tadashi nodded knowingly. He gave Kei a small smile. “I’m sure you did fine.”

“But,” he added abruptly, “am I a good friend to talk to...ever?”

Tadashi didn’t pause at all, “of course! Just, you know, in your own way. The world,” he paused and looked up to the sky thoughtfully, “the world has a ton of people who say really nice words in really nice ways, but for the people who know us, and know you Tsukki, they can hopefully understand the ways that we try to help and be good.” 

Kei replied with a short, noncommittal sound as his phone buzzed in Tadashi’s hand. “Oh, it’s Kuroo.” Tadashi handed it back over quickly, not wanting to read the messages popping up on the lock screen.

Kei stared intently at his phone as it kept vibrating before tossing it back to Tadashi, an open invitation to read them and, this time, be there to help speed up the processing time.

Kuroo>> idea! I need out of the city and Suga is coming to Miyagi for his dad’s birthday  
Kuroo>> and you can say no, just absolutely say no, but  
Kuroo>> he offered me a place to stay Saturday night and I was thinking I haven’t seen you since Nationals  
Kuroo>> haven’t seen you in person  
Kuroo>> and you can say no, but I’d like to come visit  
Kuroo>> let me know

Kei closed his eyes. Tadashi knew that trying to ask questions would be pointless now, so instead, he interjected, “You’re going to do what you want, but for what it’s worth I think maybe you should say yes. I don’t know the whole situation between you two, ‘cause you don’t tell me,” he added accusingly, “but when I am mad or upset or sad, Tsukki, you meet me at the park to smack volleyballs as hard as we can or you come to my house for video games. And I know, I really do know, that Kuroo isn’t the same as me in your life, but like, it comes down to being a friend, right? If I was two or more hours away and I said I needed to get a bunch of cake and eat it with you, you’d do it. Somewhere along the line it stopped being weird, right?” 

Tadashi put down the phone and slipped onto his back in the grass. “It was so long ago, but think about it, wasn’t it weird when we first started being friends? I remember a lot of days where you were like some weird statue hanging out with me who only broke the facade to say something snarky. But now it’s not like that, and, I don’t know, you’ve changed a lot this past year. For the better! And,” he groaned, “what am I trying to say? That if you said yes it might be like those days after you first stood up for me and I hung around you and, little by little, things stopped being weird and I got a really good friend.”

Kei opened his eyes and looked down at his friend. He sighed, “everyone has so many feelings.”

Tadashi laughed. “And you do, too! You just don’t know what to do with them.” 

“Sometimes, you’re not wrong.” he replied with a smirk. He sighed again and took his phone back.

Kei>> it’s way too expensive  
Kei>> shinkansen, right?  
Kei>> but if you want to come  
Kei>> that’d be okay

“You free some on Saturday?” Kei asked.

“What, you want a third wheel?”

“I really do.”

***  
A train pulled in and Kei checked his phone. According to Kuroo’s texts, this is the one Suga and he were aiming for after their Shinkansen connection. He slipped off his hood and headphones, turned, and was startled to see Daichi standing near him.

“Morning, Tsukishima. Didn’t mean to scare you. You looked like you needed a minute.”

Kei replied with nothing but a “hm” before forcing out a “good morning.” Kei was thankful Daichi knew him well enough to not try to keep the small talk going.

He saw Suga first, stepping out and craning his neck to look for Daichi. Kei was oddly comforted by the fact that his previous vice captain hadn’t changed at all in the couple of weeks he’d been gone. The sky was blue. Grass was green. And Suga could smile for days until you made him mad or excited enough for him to smack you.

If Suga’s smile was sunshine and rainbows, then the smirking dork behind him was casting out a contradictory flurry of dark storm clouds and playful kittens. 

Kei noticed Daichi’s feet shifting weight from side to side as Suga spotted them and sprinted over, his backpack bouncing with each step. The two hugged and Kei took a large step to the side to give himself space. Before he looked away he saw how the two held on to one another, letting their arms linger and their faces touch and suddenly a whole lot of past events clicked into place.

Kei realized Sawamura and Sugawara were together. Like, couple-together. Like, all that annoying banter between them during practice last year had been flirting… or worse. Like, that’s maybe why they insisted on closing up the gym together and being the last out no matter what. Like, that’s why Daichi went to Suga and Kuroo’s college that weekend.

The two had separated but were still grazing hands as Kuroo finally made his way over. “Tsukki!” He yelled triumphantly. Then he clapped Kei on the back. 

So, that was how the day would begin. Kei could deal with that. That was not a hug. That was a friend gesture. And Tadashi was right, he and Kuroo were, at the very least, friends. Just like he could be there for Tadashi in his own way, he could do this, too. 

“Good morning, Kuroo-san.” A clap on the back from a friend, a very hot friend, next to his former captain and vice-captain who had definitely been dating for a while now. Nope, everything could still be forcibly filed under “friend.” 

***  
“There’s nothing to do here.” Kei said as he and Kuroo started to leave the station. Suga and Daichi had split off almost immediately, apologizing for the busy birthday schedule. Kei had eyeballed them, suspecting much more and wishing he could push memories he now saw in a new light right out of his brain. 

“Sure there is! You live here and just,” Kuroo took a deep breath, “smell that country air!”

“It smells like trains and fuel.”

“And rice fields!”

“That smell like mud this time of year.”

“And I can see mountains.” Kuroo turned towards Kei. They were only a few feet from the station. “Seems like a nice place to grow up.” 

Kei paused and his breath hitched. He hadn’t seen Kuroo in person in a few months and the last time he had been wrapped up in the pressure of Nationals and now they had a full day together, plus some time tomorrow, with nothing but texts and chats in between to form some sense of normalcy out of all this. Kei looked down and tugged at his headphone cord. Friends. Like Tadashi. He repeated those words like a mantra. 

“Well, Kuroo-san, on a normal Saturday I’d stay in my room reading or doing homework until Yamaguchi made me go outside.” He forced out a laugh, and it helped. He looked up. “The sun hates me and I hate it back, but we’d go to a park near my house and practice. Then we’d eat something and watch TV. That’s Miyagi life.”

Kuroo’s grin stretched wide across his face and reached his eyes, too. “That, simply, is the most sentences you have ever strung together in a conversation with me.” He held his hand to his chest dramatically. “I am touched. It must have been very hard for you.” 

Kei clicked his tongue. “Actually, it was. You are much easier to talk to when I can’t hear your horrible voice.” Not a lie. Hearing those tones in person and not through a phone was horrible in an excruciatingly wonderful and frustrating way, but the back and forth barbs helped. 

“Excuse me, my voice causes envy or desire in everyone that hears it. And for the record, your voice is fine, but your face leaves something to be desired.” 

They laughed and Kei started walking again, trading jabs as they walked towards Kei’s house. They’d drop off Kuroo’s bag for now, until he went to Suga’s later, grab a volleyball and go from there. Friends. Like Tadashi. Friends. Like Tadashi. 

***  
Kei was wary of bringing Kuroo to his house, but it made sense to drop off his bag and get a volleyball, an activity that was feeling-neutral that could take up some time this morning. Kei mentioned that he was just running in really quickly, but he was surprised when he returned to see Kuroo still standing in the doorway, fidgeting his feet, but otherwise not making a move to come further in. 

That meant Kuroo understood him. Kei knew that, able to let loose, Kuroo would have rushed head first into his room to look at every part and see every photo of him throughout the house, but instead, he waited. Sometime over the past year, Kuroo had figured out a big part of how Kei dealt with the world.

Tadashi met them at the park. Kei was feeling slightly less awkward, but only just, and a quick pocket text had been all he needed to do to summon his best friend. 

They spent the morning running drills, waffling between taking it seriously and making huge mistakes because they were laughing too hard. There was no time to overthink or to worry about what his face looked like or what his arms were doing.

“Your serves have come a long way, Yamaguchi.” Kuroo sat up from his spot on the grass where he had playfully collapsed after catching one of those serves right in his shoulder. 

“Except for that last one, yes. Thanks! I can’t lie about how much practice I’ve put in, so that’s really encouraging to hear.” Tadashi sat down next to Kuroo and Kei joined, forming a loose triangle of tired friends. “I’m thrilled to be more of a regular now, “ Tadashi glanced at Kei,” now that we’re second years --” 

Kuroo kept asking about Tadashi’s place on the team and the younger boy kept gushing about every detail about how the year had gone so far - from the new batch of first years to bragging about Kei taking on more leadership. As they spoke, Kei’s world suddenly felt very small in the best kind of way. It was like everything that was outside of this moment in time was vastly unimportant. All of Kei’s anxiety about the kind of person he was, the kind of friend he was, vanished for the first time in a long time. Here were two people that cared about him and now they were talking together, too. Instead of his brain constantly screaming “Why do people even like you, Kei?” it was quiet, mercifully quiet. In the moment he was able to just listen to his friends talk and hear them laugh and enjoy this tiny world they’d created right here. 

***  
After a convenient store lunch of meat buns, fried chicken, and carrot sticks at Tadashi’s insistence, Tadashi left to go help his dad and Kei decided what they should do next. 

“You want country? I present to you, the country.” Kei announced as they walked onto the bank of a river. It was wide, but shallow, and not rapidly flowing. Beyond it were empty rice fields getting ready for the season’s first planting, a couple of greenhouses scattered in between, and low, verdant mountains in the distance. 

Kuroo smiled, not a smirk or a grin, but something soft, like the smiles he had at the end of a long video chat. 

Kei sat down on an old wooden bench and Kuroo followed. He let the two of them sit in a comfortable silence for a moment before letting the comfort and confidence that had built throughout the day spill out. “So why are you all the way out in Miyagi on a Saturday?” 

Kuroo took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, keeping his eyes on the water. When he spoke, it came out slow at first, then picked up speed. “I am just not doing well. It wasn’t until this week that I started adding it all together. Like I’ve said before, it all seems fine, with grades and the team, but I go home to my apartment at the end of the day and, I don’t know if I hate it all or what, but things aren’t clicking. I’m taking all the steps. I’m doing what I’m supposed to. But it’s like there’s the me I was at Nekoma and the me I am now, somehow just a handful of weeks after high school, and I don’t know where I fit anymore.” 

Kei replied with a “hmm” to show he was listening. If Kei processed through silence, Kuroo processed through speech. He knew this by now. 

“And I’ve already gotten advice to ‘not compare myself to others’ and ‘remember that everyone adjusts to things differently,’ but Kei--”

Kei jumped at the use of his given name, but by the way Kuroo kept talking, it hadn’t been a conscious decision. 

“Suga has this group of friends in the education department. They eat dinner together and go out. I see him walking through campus in a tight little pack of future teachers. Then Bokuto is already a regular on his team and the guy is so outgoing and blissfully dense that he can force himself into any group and people love him, despite themselves. 

And I thought I was that way, too, but now I’m worried that I was only that way because of who I had around me. Like, with Kenma, especially, but also everyone on the team, I could be confident and joke around. I could lead and feel passionate. It’s even simple things like I always had someone to eat lunch with. I don’t know how to be by myself. I don’t know what my personality is without those people. And this could be some great growing opportunity, I know, but all I want to do is go back to Nekoma and stop feeling so lonely.”

By the end, Kuroo had sunk deeply into the back of the bench, his head resting on the top plank, his eyes off in a thousand yard stare. 

Kei’s chest felt tight. He didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable, just heavy. He thought of what Tadashi might say, droplets of inspiration like “you are who you are wherever you are” or “when we change it’s hard but it’s a good thing,” but he just said, “Kuroo, that sucks.”

Kuroo laughed a deep, dark little laugh, the kind that ends with a humming sigh. He gripped his hands to the sides of his face and pulled them down. 

“You know, when the third years were graduating I, in my endless miscalculations of the inner workings of people, was so annoyed with their sentimentality.” Kei began. “Then, in a moment of weakness, I think I got it. I imagined how I’d feel in two years when I’d have to face the fact that probably Yamaguchi and I would be moving towards very different places in life. 

I likened it to chapters in a book. For example, childhood ends gradually so it hadn’t been a chapter ending just chapters continuing. But graduation seems like a chapter ending and a big, blank page between that and the start of the next one. I don’t think I’ll do very well with that blank page in the middle either.” 

“Tsukki, that was beautiful. Metaphorical nonsense, but for some reason, it’s so right.” Kuroo turned to face Kei on his right, and propped up his head on his left hand. “It really, really sucks.” 

With Kuroo’s eyes on him, it was a lot harder to keep the conversation going. Kei glanced at him, then looked back at the river. 

“Maybe you have had a chapter close, Tsukki. I haven’t known you as long as freckles, but you seem different.”

“Yea?”

“You’re just more honest. Clearly freckles knew you cared about volleyball more than you let on, and me and Bo got that sense, too, and pulled you out whatever you had going on. And now you’re taking on leadership with your team and, let’s face it, you just talked to me about feelings using a book metaphor. Tsukki if that isn’t the start of a new chapter --” 

“That stuff was always there it was just--” Kei started.

“Under a nice layer of garbage?”

Kei snorted. “Yea. And you’ll be all good once you climb out of your layer of garbage, too.”

“But, Tsukki!” Kuroo was sounding more like himself. “Life keeps dumping on more garbage! You figure something out and then brand new garbage comes.”

“And we repeat the cycle until we die.”

“The end. It’s perfect.” Kuroo went back to looking at the river and it was Kei’s turn to stare. 

They sat together for a while. Kei listened to the river and Kuroo breathing beside him. He finally broke the silence when the sun started to creep slightly closer to the mountaintops in the distance. “Do you want to walk over to Karasuno?” 

***  
Kuroo was sitting at his kitchen table. Kuroo was using his plates and drinking from a glass Kei had used hundreds of times. Kuroo was eating his mom’s leftovers with him because she and Akiteru had already finished eating well before Kei got home. All of these things were happening and yet they weren’t totally... not fine.

“Tsukki I’ve definitely invaded your life a lot today, but I would regret it if I didn’t ask. Can I see your room?” It was impossible to evade the brightness of Kuroo’s grin. 

Kei groaned.

“Please,” he begged, “you can set the ground rules. I just, like, if I can, want to see the kinds of things that Tsukishima Kei puts in his room.” 

“It’s not a fair trade. You offer nothing.”

“Whatever. You’ll see mine one day.” He dropped these notions so casually. “I just need to know.” Kuroo punctuated his words with excitedly clenched fists next to his face. 

“Fine.” Kei acquiesced. 

Kuroo jumped up, turned to dash into the hallway, but turned back, carefully picked up his plate, and rested it gently on top of Kei’s next to the sink. “Lead the way, sir.” 

“You know, it’s gross for someone so tall and so old to be so giddy.” 

“Don’t care. Go, go, go.” 

The two of them slipped past Kei’s mom in the living room, Kei offering thanks for dinner for himself and his guest while Kuroo dipped his head into shallow, polite bows more than was necessary, before Kei opened the door to his room. 

“It’s so clean. Like, so clean.” 

“Some of us have rooms, not nests.” 

“And there are so many more dinosaurs than I counted in video chats.”

“Ugh, you counted?”

“Yes and I had only seen four, but Tsukki,” he repeated, “there are so many more.”

Kei’s skin betrayed himself, growing warm. He let out a whining sort of groan. 

Kuroo examined all of the books on his shelves, making comments about nearly all of them. He noted the lack of posters but gasped at a picture of Kei and Akiteru when they were young. Kei watched him swirl around the room but couldn’t help but feel pleased that he didn’t touch anything. He knew Kuroo wanted to. This was another piece of Kei he must have understood by now. 

“Alright, I’ve definitely invaded more of your life than I expected to today and I told Suga I’d be at his house around nine so I could meet his family before, you know, sleeping in their house.” 

“Fair. I’ll walk you out.” 

***  
“Your room is adorable, you know.” Kuroo said once they were outside the front door.

“Tell no one. Also it isn’t. It’s tidy and scientific.” Since late morning Kei had felt pretty normal, just like himself, but now his heart rate was picking up and he cursed every part of his brain that knew romantic tropes and had stored them away in the folds of his brain to torment him in moments like this. 

Kuroo was close, devastatingly, earth-shatteringly close in the tiny alcove in front of his door, lit only by the bits of light creeping out from behind the curtains in his front window. Kuroo shifted his weight and Kei realized he had been staring. It was like the small world moment he had earlier except this one was warm, caused breathing troubles, and the air around him felt like it was buzzing. 

“Thanks for a really nice day.” Kuroo breathed out in a deep whisper. He sounded just like their late night calls and there was that voice, that frustrating voice, that made Kei forget to be negative or have a ready come back and just made him stop. Kei could feel his breath on his cheek. “Good night, Tsukki.”

Kei closed the short distance between them and met Kuroo’s lips with his own. His heartbeat was so loud he swore Kuroo could hear it, but Kei felt like a puzzle piece had slipped into place. Kei pulled back an instant later to see Kuroo’s eyes opened wide. Kei watched his reaction, waiting for a response. He watched Kuroo’s eyes shift from shocked to questioning to intense. 

Then they were kissing again, Kuroo taking the lead this time. It was sloppy and unsure, but Kei just pictured every time he’d ever imagined this happening and let those reveries take over. He felt Kuroo’s hand twist into his hair as he was guided backwards so that his back rested on the wall. Kei put his hands on Kuroo’s waist before letting them slide up to touch the muscles on his back through his t-shirt, pulling him in closer. Sometimes they’d break apart to breathe and Kei melted hearing the way Kuroo’s breath had changed, before crashing back together. Kuroo’s tongue glided across Kei’s bottom lip and Kei swore his whole body was on fire. He parted his lips in response, Kuroo slid in, and every rational part of Kei’s brain was officially gone. His hands moved on their own, pulling Kuroo even closer to him, until they were flush together. 

It was so much less than Kei had visualized late at night on his own but was so much better. Because of their heights, everything matched up perfectly -- mouth to mouth, chest to chest, and, in an embarrassing moment of clarity, Kei realized, hip to hip. He was suddenly aware of the tightening in his jeans and its proximity to Kuroo’s leg which was pushing between his own. He pushed the thought away, wanting everything to go blurry and foggy again, but it nagged at him. He roped both of his hands into Kuroo’s hair, sliding his own tongue into Kuroo’s mouth this time, tasting him, remembering him, securing every sensation for later before he pulled back. 

“Good night, Kuroo-san.” Kei had no idea where that voice came from, deep and breathless, but he was pleased. If this had been a year of change, then something seismic had just shifted within him. 

***  
Kei woke up, immediately remembered the night before, and fell back into bed, clamping his pillow over his head. His stomach was in knots. He cursed nighttime Kei. That Kei was an entirely different person. He always had been. He sighed. There was no way around it. He would have to see Kuroo again today and deal with the dramatic recategorization that would take place. Positive or negative, something was changing. 

He scraped his phone off of his nightstand.

Kei>> I would like to curl up and die now, please.

Tadashi>> very early for your melodrama  
Tadashi>> what’s up?

Kei>> last night ended weirdly

Tadashi>> w(°ｏ°)w  
Tadashi>> did  
Tadashi>> your face  
Tadashi>> touch  
Tadashi>> his face?

Kei>> yes

Tadashi>> I just died, too. A happy death.  
Tadashi>> Tsukkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  
Tadashi>> I am so proud. 

Kei>> no. it’s so weird. And now I will smother myself with my own pillow.

Tadashi>> Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? This is, like, the end result of ALL OF THE TALKING.  
Tadashi>> THE MONTHS AND MONTHS OF TALKING.  
Tadashi>> You have been strangely adorable and it’s off-putting  
Tadashi>> but this makes up for it all  
Tadashi>> WAS IT SO GOOD?

Kei>> but do I need to talk about things?  
Kei>> what comes next?  
Kei>> what do I do today?  
Kei>> this was all 1000x simpler last night

Tadashi>> You didn’t answer, so I will assume it was SO GOOD  
Tadashi>> and, literally no idea, you are in uncharted waters, Tsukki  
Tadashi>> btw, I can feel your frustration from down the street  
Tadashi>> whatever you do, it’ll be fine

***  
Kei felt strangely disappointed when Kuroo greeted him outside the bakery with a wave and another friendly clap on the back, just like yesterday morning. Kuroo quickly dove into a fast-paced ramble about Suga’s house and his family. 

They ordered coffee and an assortment of fresh morning baked goods before taking a seat on the terrace outside. Kuroo was still talking about Suga’s family.

The re-categorization had to occur. Kei pushed the issue in more of a roundabout way than he was used to. “I hadn’t realized Sugawara and Sawamura were a couple until yesterday.”

Kuroo had a sharp intake of breath. “Yea, well, I only knew because I see him nearly every day in our first year seminar or at lunch.” 

“He’s more private than I imagined he’d be.” Kei was testing the waters. 

He waited for Kuroo to say something like “of course you didn’t notice, you’re really dense” but all he said was, “It makes sense.” 

“And his family…?”

“Daichi was there when I got there last night. They seem to love him and the whole” he paused, searching for a word, “arrangement. I’m surprised you’re interested.” 

Really? Kei started to feel a little annoyed. “In most people’s relationships, sure. This is just the first there’s been one to” he paused, “relate to.” 

Kuroo sipped his coffee and Kei was instantly aware of the fact that he had no idea who, or if, Kuroo had dated anyone before. Kei had been sure since middle school that girls could be pretty or nice, but not worth dating for him. Through all their conversations and, let’s face it, blatant flirting, Kei had come to the conclusion that Kuroo was the same. Last night had clicked together all the final pieces together in his brain. Now he was doubting his resolution. 

“They must have started dating in high school. After yesterday, some events of the past year made much more sense.” Kei managed a tight smile. It was odd, using Sugawara as a way to talk around and then get into what Kei was determined to talk about. He debated backing down to enjoy the morning and let it go, but again, he realized, something had switched inside him and he didn’t want to be so passive about it anymore. 

Kuroo laughed loudly. “Oh no, I bet! Ooh, were they always ‘closing up the gym’ or ‘checking for something in the club room?’” 

“Actually, yea.” The words left their mouths easily, but there was an unusual stiffness. “So, Kuroo-san, did you date anyone in high school?” Kei hated potentially making Kuroo feel weird, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t absolutely enjoying not feeling so uncomfortable or uncertain about his actions. 

“Not really. How about you so far?” Kuroo stuffed pastry into his mouth. 

“No one. What does ‘not really’ mean?” Okay, he decided, last major push. He didn’t want to ruin all of the potential for a good day. 

“I mean, I had confessions from people and sort of saw them outside of school, but nothing ever went anywhere serious.” 

Kei had never been so angry that someone wouldn’t say “boy” or “girl” before. Clarity! He took a deep breath and let it go for now, drifting the conversation towards what they could do today between bites of pastry and sips of coffee. He boxed away his frustration for later. 

They ended up spending Sunday much like the day before. Some volleyball, a quick lunch, some time walking around the shopping streets near the station, peering in to shops but never going in, but it wasn’t as easy. If yesterday had began full of unease and settled into a kind of comfort, then Sunday was precisely the opposite, only the unease was so much worse. This time it didn’t stem purely from Kei’s worry, but rather this refusal to acknowledge how that whole great day had ended. 

Kei gave up any plans of bringing up the night before. He never made a decision. He just let any open moment slip away.

The two of them met Suga and Daichi at the station around four. Kei assumed the couple’s real farewells had occurred well before their arrival at the train station because they just hugged, perhaps a little longer than most, before Suga started making his way to the ticket machine. 

Kei startled when Kuroo hugged him, too. They had already said goodbye, but he pulled Kei in, quick but tight, before parting with another “see ya.”

Kei watched his back as he walked up the stairs and onto the platform. He watched him chat with Suga and he watched him step on the train. Kei was there when the train pulled away and he was still there long after Daichi had gone. 

***  
He barely heard the soft knock on his door over the music in his headphones. “Yea?” he called out from his spot on his bed.

The door cracked open. It was Akiteru. “Kei, you busy?”

Kei slipped off his headphones but the music was still playing. “No.”

His brother took that as the best invitation he was going to get and sat down in Kei’s desk chair. 

“Hey I know our family doesn’t, like, talk about things and when we do it’s super weird. But,” he reached back behind him and closed Kei’s bedroom door. “I have a thing I want to say but I want to know if it would be okay to do that right now.”

To say Kei was puzzled would be an understatement. He loved his brother, they teased each other, but they definitely didn’t talk, not like this. “Sure, now’s fine, I guess.” He turned off his music.

“I have practiced what I wanted to say a bunch of times, but now that I’m sitting here, I forgot a lot of it.”

Okay, now Kei was worried. Was this something awful? What had happened? He sat up.

“Kei, I love you. Not just because you’re my brother but because I like you, too. You’re smart and you’re weird and we push each other forward in our own ways. I’d like to think I’ve been there for you the few times you’ve needed help and I know you’ve helped me, especially by calling me out on my crap all these years. And I think one of those times to be supportive has come up. 

Now you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to about your life, not now or soon, but maybe one day. But to say I am oblivious to the things in your life would be stupid. I know you, Kei. Maybe not as well as Yamaguchi-kun, but I’d like to think I know you in a way that only someone who watched you grow up can. And for whatever you might need to tell me one day, I want to go ahead and tell you my response. My response will always and forever be ‘I care about you and I like you just the way you are.’” Akiteru paused to swallow hard. He looked sweaty. “And now that I have vomited a lot of words at you, I will go and let you process in silence because, little brother, I know you, I care about you, and I like you just the way you are.” 

Akiteru spun out of the room and shut the door quickly behind him. Kei felt closer to tears than he had been in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! It's about twice as long! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left a kudos, took the time to write a comment, bookmarked this series, and/or subscribed. I was LIVING off the positivity from this lovely fandom and used it as fuel to write this chapter.
> 
> I tried to find their voices a little more in this one. I see our darling Tsukki as someone who would get fed up with his own shortcomings and try to push forward. And Kuroo, bless, I could see him going many ways in college, but I asked myself, "What if he's that guy that did really well in high school and has a hard time moving on?" Also, Yamaguchi is so adorable and now Akiteru is in my head, too. 
> 
> Check me out on [tumblr](http://melliejellie.tumblr.com/) where I'm also melliejellie.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei goes to Tokyo for the training camp and things get...real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the rating change! As an avid Kurotsuki reader, I try to know what we're here for. I know what I look for. I'm here to try and deliver.

May crept into June just as Kuroo’s messages crept into a few texts a day with no selfies and no video chats since his visit. They ranged from bland to aggravating. Kei was relieved. 

He felt similar to how he had felt after Karasuno’s victory against Shiratorizawa last year. Coming down from the almost frenzied high of participation in a victory, he’d felt foolish for how much praise he had received, how much attention he’d gotten from playing through his injury and making a few blocks. Winning was great. Knowing he could be an active part of it was great, too. Lessons are learned, but then life returns to normal. There is no staying at that level.

This was exactly the same, Kei assured himself. Over the past few months, he’d been wrapped up in the novelty of some guy paying him attention. It was unexpected, uncomfortable, and fun. The knowledge that he could have something like this in his life someday was good to have. Lessons were learned, but then life returned to normal. 

There was one thing, though. Kei had an unforgiving streak. Paired with his tenacity, it was one of Kei’s favorite things about himself. Where some might see a personal flaw, Kei saw a chance to not back down and not be weak. And where others with these traits might run full-speed, head-first at the source of their irritation, Kei didn’t. Kei calculated. He looked for an opening. 

Kei’s chance to force Kuroo to face the choices he made after making out in Kei’s doorway came one evening in mid-June. He was still up waiting for the nighttime summer air to carry in through his bedroom window and make his room cooler than the rest of the house before sleeping. A small chime pulled him away from his reading.

Kuroo>> Hope you had a good day!

Kei>> it was fine.  
Kei>> your semester wraps up soon, right?

Kuroo>> sure does! Sooner than yours, haaaaaaaaa

Kei>> not much else to do. might as well go to school.

Kuroo>> except run free in that country air!  
Kuroo>> Tokyo smells 

Kei>> well, you can’t visit again  
Kei>> we’re closed 

Kuroo>> too bad, it really did the trick last time  
Kuroo>> you remember---  
Kuroo>> that one day you were nice?

Kei>> tried it. done now. 

Kuroo>> awww, but I liked it  
Kuroo>> I like nice Tsukkiiiiiii

Kei>> in what way do you like me, Kuroo-san?

Kei turned off his screen, silenced all notifications, and flipped the phone over on his bedside table. He went back to reading, a smug grin stretched across his face. 

In the morning, Kei was surprised to see how few texts Kuroo had sent. 

Kuroo>> what  
Kuroo>> whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat  
Kuroo>> fine, I’ll bite  
Kuroo>> I like you like a cat likes a mouse  
Kuroo>> I like you like trees like the sun  
Kuroo>> I like you like monsters like the night  
Kuroo>> and I hate knowing you’re not going to respond

Kei sat up in bed and ran his fingers through his hair. He sat for a while, staring out of his still-open window. Finally he slid out of bed, got ready, and left the house. As he stepped through his front door, he unlocked his phone to send a reply.

Kei>> those are all very contradictory. fitting.  
Kei>> and you didn’t give me a question to respond to

Cats hunt mice. They need them for food, but not really, because most of the time they just hunt for fun and leave corpses on their owner’s doormats. Trees need sunlight to live. And monsters and night? They feel safe in it? Or again with the hunting theme?

Suddenly, a question hit him. What were Kuroo’s categories? What did he have in addition to family, friends, and teammates? Did he have boyfriend as one? Did he have friends and friends you make out with? He had trouble categorizing Kuroo, but what if Kuroo had it all sorted out on his end?

Kei>> if you did ask  
Kei>> I like you like a crow likes garbage. 

The reply came less than a minute later.

Kuroo>> You should come to Tokyo this time.

Kei left the message be and shut off his screen. 

***  
“That movie was beyond awful.” Kei groaned.

Akiteru was laughing through tears. “Oh my god, the part with the-”

“Alien zombies.” They finished together. 

“I can’t believe we spent money on that. I knew it’d be bad, but-” Akiteru wiped away tears. 

Even Kei had to laugh. Over the past few weeks, he and Akiteru had spent more time together than they had in the past few years. It reminded of Kei of when he was still in elementary school and idolized his big brother, spending as much time he could with him. Kei had also spent the last three or four years looking down on his big brother, but a weak liar wasn’t who he saw anymore. Now Akiteru wasn’t on a pedestal or under his shoe. He was on the same level, someone you went to see bad sci-fi horror movies with.

During Akiteru’s past few visits home, they played volleyball in the backyard, got lunch together, and he even met some of Akiteru’s friends. The weird part was, it wasn’t weird. 

“What did you think of Kaoru?” Akiteru asked in the car as they started the drive home. 

“Which one was she again?” 

“The shorter one, kind of short hair, had the green dress on today.”

Kei shrugged. “I didn’t really talk to her much.” He cast a side eye at Akiteru. 

He nodded and laughed. “Yeah, it’s exactly what you’re thinking. She lives near me and we have a ton of classes together, but I haven’t been able to-”

“Do anything?” Kei interjected. 

“I want to yell, ‘no,’ but basically yes. I mean, it hasn’t been that long since I broke up with my last girlfriend, but that one hardly counted. It was, like, a month and a half. Anyway, advice for your big brother?”

“No.” Kei paused. “Just talk to her more.”

Akiteru feigned a gasp. “More sincerity from my little brother! If you’re not careful, I’m going to get used to this.” He added softly, “I kid, you know. It has been really nice.” 

Kei grumbled.

“So, is there anyone you’re ‘talking to,’ Kei?” 

No response. 

“And who, I have to ask, is that guy that came to our house a while ago? You know mom and I had to talk about the first person you brought to our house that wasn’t Yamaguchi, right?”

“Is there a reason you asked those two questions back-to-back?”

“Of course there is. You know there is.”

“He’s another volleyball player.”

“Karasuno?”

“No.”

“Ooh,” Akiteru wiggled his eyebrows. “A rival team, then. How scandalous.” 

“Hardly. We don’t play each other anymore.”

“Then how on Earth did you make a new friend?”

“The training camp in Tokyo last year.” Kei was willing to participate in this conversation, but he decided he would choose which details to keep close to his chest. 

“And someone met you and wanted to be your friend? And they aren’t Yamaguchi? That saint of a kid? I’m so proud.” He laughed. “For real, though, mom and I were, like, really happy. You aren’t nearly as… sour as you used to be.” He added quickly, “I hope I don’t scare this Kei away. I like having my little brother around again.” 

“I’m still here in the car now, right?”

“You couldn’t very well jump out into the highway.”

“I’d try if I hated this conversation enough.” A small laugh escaped Kei’s mouth and the two fell into a comfortable silence with little droplets of rain starting to smack into the windshield. 

During the drive home, Kei offered up a few more details about how school was going and Akiteru did the same, even if his way of sharing was far more long-winded than Kei was used to. Akiteru brought up Kaoru again and Kei made another offering. He told Akiteru Kuroo’s name. It felt strangely invasive, like speaking his name would make his brother instantly aware of everything that had happened. Of course it didn’t, but Kei was no stranger to the way that Akiteru could read a situation. 

“Don’t be afraid to mess up.” Akiteru said as they pulled into the driveway.

“What?”

“Don’t be afraid to mess up. I think you’ve grown a lot with that in sports and school, but with… other things, too. Like, I get dumped more than I’d like to admit and I’ve had to break up with girls, too, which is its own style of fresh hell, but it was all worth it. I learned something about myself each time.” 

Kei kept looking out the window. 

“I’m never worried about you doing something dumb, Kei, but sometimes I worry that you’ll never do anything dumb.” Akiteru playfully punched him in the arm.

***  
Kei didn’t respond to Kuroo’s text about coming to Tokyo for several days. They still messaged one another, but he let that suggestion hang in the air until he made a decision and video-called Kuroo. Kei wouldn’t ever choose to be knowingly hypocritical and if he was going to sit there in the car and tell Akiteru to talk to some girl, then clearly he would have to wrestle out the version of himself who was determined to make Kuroo discuss their doorway make out session and take his own advice - just talk. 

But there was no way in hell he was going in unprepared. There were notes. In a notebook. On his desk. Just in case. Completely confident, Kei assured himself, he was completely confident. 

“Tsukki! It’s been a while!” Kuroo’s face appeared on Kei’s laptop screen, tired-looking but enthusiastic. Kei recognized that he was sitting on his living room floor, but he tried to be desperately less cognizant of the fact that it must be warmer in Tokyo based on how very little Kuroo’s shirt covered and how very much of his arm muscles were on display. 

“We were literally just texting.” Kei deadpanned his reply. 

“No! Since I’d seen your face! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Maybe.”

Kuroo arched an eyebrow.

“Maybe I can come to Tokyo --” Kei elaborated. He sat up straighter in his desk chair.

“Oh ho ho, this is a nice surprise call.”

“--If you answer twenty questions right now. Honestly.” Kei made sure his face didn’t look too serious but also not playful. He wanted some clarification but it didn’t need to become a big… thing.

Kuroo pondered. “I’ll give you ten.”

“Fifteen.”

“Deal. If I can ask you ten.”

“Five.”

“I can get what I need in five.” Kuroo leaned back into the bottom of his couch from his spot on the floor. He tilted the screen up to frame his face better and slid his hands behind his head. “Where are we starting?” His voice had dropped in tone. It made Kei’s spine shiver. For a moment, Kei wondered if anything he did made Kuroo shiver. 

“How’s college going, really?”

Kuroo took a deep breath. “Better. I have a group of friends that I see everyday now. I’m less of a ‘hanger on-er’ than I used to be. Like, I see Suga less, but when we do meet up it’s nice and I don’t feel like I’m borrowing his friends. And with the team, it’s the same. I hang out with some of the guys a lot, but I’m not trying so hard to be perfectly liked by everyone anymore.” He shrugged. “By the way, how do you know I won’t lie?”

“I won’t. Next question. Why did you come to Miyagi?”

“Because I wanted to see you.”

“Why?” Kei’s tone was as flat as Kuroo’s was lighthearted. 

“That counts as a question.” Sighing, Kuroo tilted his head to rest on a couch cushion. “Because I have enjoyed bothering you and talking to you since the training camp.”

“Why not someone else?” Kei was honestly still confused about that. Kuroo had a ton of friends. If he had been so upset and so lost at school, why did he come to see him?

“You help pull me out of my routines.”

That wasn’t any of the answers Kei had expected. “Did I help you?”

“Yes. Other things have helped, too, but yes.”

“How?”

Kuroo sat back up. “You have got to doubt yourself less. You’re a better person than you think you are. But to answer, for, like, a whole day, I got to forget about everything else.” 

“Did you… like… how that day ended?” Kei had to push out the words even though he had been so ready to ask it in May. 

Kuroo stared right into his screen. “Yes.” 

“Why did you avoid any mention of it on Sunday?”

Kuroo was still staring into his screen but his hands were now propping up his head as he rested on his coffee table. “Honestly? I felt weird.”

“Why?”

“Being sincere is really hard. I want to make a joke so bad right now and talk about something else.” He laughed weakly. “Because you initiated it and I was surprised. I didn’t expect it and I liked giving in but then I felt weird, like I crossed a line I wasn’t supposed to.”

Kei didn’t know what to do with that reply yet. Crossed a line? He continued with the questions he planned. “Do you date anyone?”

Kuroo looked puzzled. “Like in general or currently?”

Kei just shrugged and stared into the camera. The meaning was clear: you should interpret this the way you want to. 

“No one currently and also I don’t really do that.”

“Why?”

“No,” Kuroo whined. “This is going way deeper into my brain than I like to.” He groaned, sat up straighter, and grinned. “Fine. Because I am aware that I can be flakey and selfish and I think I would be very bad at it and hurt someone.”

“Would you ever be in a relationship with someone?”

“Maybe.” 

“Like me?” Kei closed his eyes.

Kuroo took a moment to answer and leaned towards the right of the frame, out of the center, his evasiveness no longer hidden behind his typical grin. “Maybe.” 

“Does the fact that I am younger bother you?” 

Kuroo was slow to answer again. He wasn’t looking at his camera anymore. “Yes, but not bother, just, it’s something.”

Kei’s eyes were still closed. He had planned the final question from the start. “Am I the only person you’ve kissed in the last few weeks?” He took a short breath and opened his eyes.

Kuroo was almost out of view of his camera. His head was down on the table. His voice was pouty, almost petulant when he said, “No.” 

Kei wasn’t surprised, but hearing the response out loud was another thing entirely. He had seen Kuroo’s photos on instagram. He knew the parties he went to and the people he hung around. Kei expected this response and, in a way, he expected his own reaction. He felt awkward and jealous and the fact that his own response was so predictable and immature made him angry at himself. 

He sighed and pushed his glasses up his face. “My turn is over. Your turn.”

Kuroo just made a sound off-screen, like a whine that got choked on its way out. 

“Fine. You can forfeit your turn.” Kei mustered up something resembling his usual aloofness. 

“Six.”

“What?”

“I want six questions now.” Kuroo pouted. 

“Fine.” 

Kuroo slid pack into view, his head still resting on his arms. “What’s your favorite dinosaur?” A leer escaped from his previously bleak expression. Kei could tell by now when he was clinging to a mischievous tone to keep other things at bay. 

“That? That is how you’re starting?”

Kuroo just held his expression.

“I don’t have a favorite.” Kei spat.

“You made me be honest.” More of Kuroo’s typical demeanor was returning. He sat up, looking impatient.

“Dracorex.”

“Hang on, googling it.” Kei watched as the light on Kuroo’s face changed colors in the otherwise dark room, his eyes scanning pages. “Tsukki… this is basically a dragon. Oh my god, this is so geeky.”

“It’s just a new discovery of a species of Pachycephalosaur.”

“It has ‘hogwartsia’ as the second half of its name.”

“I didn’t name it!” In an instant, Kuroo proved again that he could steer a conversation any way he wanted.

“What? Do you like Harry Potter, too?” Kuroo paused. “Oh no! That’s a question. I wasted one!”

“Yes.”

“Okay, worth it to know that. So, what made you start texting me in the first place last year?”

Now it was Kei’s turn to want to disappear from the screen. “You were less awful than other people.”

“Honestly is the best policy, Tsukki.” Kuroo sang. 

“You actually helped me be better and you didn’t let me slack off.”

Kuroo just waited.

“I’m not saying any more.”

“Fine. Do you think I’m attractive?” Kuroo’s smirk was unbearable. 

Kei sighed through his reply, “yes.”

“Is that why you kissed me?”

“Yes.” Kei could feel the heat in his cheeks, on his neck, and in his chest. 

“Would you do it again, knowing everything you just learned about me?”

Kei had been slowly processing Kuroo’s answers the whole time, but his own response to this particular question was a conclusion reached long before this conversation even started. He was stuck in whatever this was now. “Yes.”

And there it was, like clockwork - Kuroo’s self-assure smirk. Kei could wonder all he wanted about the origins of it, whether or not Kuroo really was that confident or if it was stemming from some deeply-rooted insecurities, but it didn’t matter. No matter how many times he saw it, Kei’s response was the same mix of annoyance and infatuation. 

“So, Tsukki, when are you coming to Tokyo?”

“That’s another question.”

“No,” Kuroo corrected, “it’s my reward for playing the question game.”

“I believe the agreed upon terms included a ‘maybe’ for Tokyo.” Kei leaned in towards his laptop camera, softening his scowl and lowering his voice. “But I do have an answer.” Kei could admit that, yes, he tried to elicit the same kinds of involuntary responses from Kuroo that Kuroo got from him. “I’ll be there, regardless, at the end of July for the training camp.” He couldn’t hold back a smirk of his own.

“That’s not the same!” Kuroo burst out laughing. “That is not a visit!” 

“I’m not spending nearly 20,000 yen to see you for the day.”

“Spend the night.” Kuroo didn’t skip a beat.

“I can’t. I don’t have control over my schedule like that.” Kei held his honest reply tight inside his mind. ‘Sorry, Kuroo, I can’t. I am a high schooler and I’d have to ask my mom if I could go. I’d probably need to get some extra money, too, since I’m not allowed to work. And oh, great, now I sound like a small child. Is that attractive? Still want me in your apartment?’ 

Their conversation wrapped up shortly after that with a bunch of small talk. Later that night, Kei couldn’t sleep. He was processing. Kei was sorting and labeling Kuroo’s answers and his own responses into files and neat, little boxes, trying to make sense of human impulses, teenage hormones, and human connections.

***  
On the last day before mid-year break in July, Kei received a confession. From a boy.

Kei and Tadashi were walking home when Tadashi stopped suddenly and turned back, saying he left something at the school and would run right back.

The boy passed Tadashi and stopped where Kei was waiting, scrolling through nothing important on his phone. 

“Excuse me, Tsukishima-san?”

Kei glanced up. 

“I have a letter for you.” He held out a plain envelope. 

Kei motioned to take it slowly, but the boy held back. “My name is Nishigawa Yuuya. I’m in class 2-B. We don’t interact very much, but I am in the basketball club and have attended some of your matches.”

It didn’t feel like a normal confession, so it took Kei some time to realize what was happening. Normally, girls would hand over a bedazzled envelope or, at the very least, neat handwriting on an envelope from a nice stationery set. Typically, a group would be behind her. There would be awkward smiles or laughter.

Instead, Nishigawa stood tall, nearly as tall as Kei, actually. His voice was level, though his words felt rehearsed. He looked right at Kei from behind a fringe of soft, dark-brown hair. 

“I hope it wasn’t too presumptuous of me,” Nishigawa continued, “but I talked to your friend, Yamaguchi-san, to ensure that this letter wouldn’t be” he paused, “improperly given to you. He assured me that we shared some,” he paused again, this time looking at the ground “similarities. My honest thoughts and a phone number are in the letter, but I do not expect you to rush your response.” He looked back up, meeting Kei’s eyes. “Please take your time. Sorry for the interruption in your afternoon. Enjoy your summer holiday, Tsukishima-san.” 

Nishigawa put the letter in Kei’s open hand and left without another word.

When Tadashi returned, the letter was still in Kei’s hand. Tadashi gave him a questioning look. Kei responded by turning on his heels and beginning to walk towards home. 

Kei broke the silence after a few minutes. “Did you talk to a Nishigawa about me?”

“Just a few times. He caught me before school a few weeks ago.”

“What did he want to know?”

Tadashi sounded wary. “Nothing really at first. He asked about volleyball and then asked about you. Is that letter from him?”

Kei nodded.

“Oh!” Tadashi called out. “I didn’t think he’d actually do anything! Tsukki, I hope I wasn’t being an awful friend, but after a few days he asked me, well, about the type of person you might be interested in. I know it isn’t my secret to tell, but if he hadn’t offered so much of himself first, I wouldn’t have dared. I didn’t even say much, I just made sure that he knew that, at least on a basic level, it would be okay.” His words spilled out and at some point the two of them had stopped walking. “To me, a confession of any kind takes a lot of guts and since he came to me and was so kind about it, I helped. I’m sorry. It probably made you really uncomfortable.”

Kei couldn’t bring himself to smile or make an expression that might ease his friend’s anxiety. His face was flat, neither upset nor overjoyed. “It’s fine.”

They started walking again, the silence a little less comfortable than before. Moments before they split up in front of Tadashi’s neighborhood, Kei responded. “I don’t mind that you talked to him.”

Tadashi smiled. “See you tomorrow? Video games?” He asked hopefully.

“Sure, see you tomorrow.” A small smile cracked from the corner of Kei’s mouth.

_Tsukishima-san,_

_I am Nishigawa Yuuya, class 2-B. We have not spoken much before and I apologize for the suddenness of this letter._

_I am a member of the basketball club and enjoy many sports. I attended your match against Shiratorizawa last year and I admired your athleticism and courage._

_Typically, I would be more straight-forward. I am not a shy person. However, given my situation (one that according to Yamaguchi-san, you share), I decided this would be the best option._

_I like you and would like to see you outside of school in the future. Please take your time considering what I have written. Enjoy your summer holiday._

_Nishigawa Yuuya_

***  
On the bus ride to Tokyo, Kei sat next to Tadashi and they actually had a chance to talk before the dynamic duo of morons got too loud for anyone to concentrate. It didn’t help that Tanaka and Noya were also simultaneously amped and heartbroken about attending the training camp as third years and they were making sure the entire bus understood their dilemma. 

Before the hype and melodrama, Kei took steered their conversation towards how things were going with Tadashi. The last few times they had hung out, Kei realized how much of their “life” conversations centered around him. Either they were dancing around the “Kuroo” situation or Tadashi was proudly reflecting on his best friend’s growth over the past year. But Tadashi had changed, too. 

Though everyone has some level of insecurity, Tadashi wore his on his sleeves for the world to see. He let himself be open and vulnerable. It made himself endearing but also a target. His first year had actually been kind of rough for him. The anxiety that manifested in his serves stemmed from the fact that being a shy, quiet boy that often begged not to be noticed often did the opposite. 

After Nationals, the growth that had started with his role as a pinch server really took off. Kei saw parts of his friend that only came out at his house start to creep into the rest of Tadashi’s life. While his laughter always came easy, it was now louder, more sincere. Now he stood up for himself and let his more wicked, sarcastic side show when it needed to. 

About thirty minutes into the bus ride, that side was on display when he casted a glare towards some first years who were not-so-subtly making comments about Yachi. He raised an eyebrow. The look dared them to just try, just try to do that again. 

Kei laughed. “That’s a good look on you.”

“Thanks. I save it for the times when it’s really needed.” He glanced back over at the momentarily silent first years. “Anyway, my uncle is doing much better now. He’s up and walking again and everything! Thanks for the food you brought over the other day. My parents have been over at the hospital so much, we really appreciated it.”

“It was nothing, plus I was only the carrier. My mom did all the work.”

“Still…” Tadashi smiled.

Kei nodded. 

The bumps in the road carried them through a stretch of silence until Tadashi asked, “Have you given any more thought to where you’re going to apply next year?”

Kei shrugged. “A little.” That answer was only partially a lie. While it was true he hadn’t given any more thought to the idea, the thoughts that had already occured included a short list of schools where he could study either chemical or materials engineering and a spreadsheet outlining boarding costs, cost per hour of study, and assorted available scholarships. “Not anything more than what I’ve already done,” he added, “because it’s not like a lot will change until we start doing visits and getting ready for entrance exams.”

“I’ve been talking with Takeda-sensei more about what I could do in the future, and I’ve been giving a lot of thought to education. I’ve even talked with Sugawara-san about it some!” 

Kei felt a pinch in his guts. While his friend grinned and talked about how much he enjoyed the tutoring he’d been doing lately with some elementary students, Kei saw a future where they didn’t go to the same school, probably didn’t live in the same city, and definitely would not be able to talk or see each other as much as they had for so long. 

***  
When they arrived, it felt good to dive head-first into warm ups and a practice game against Shinzen. On the court, calculations were valued and though there was always an element of chance and plenty of room for error, Kei believed that with enough close attention and precise predictions, a lot was possible. 

Coach Ukai used the first game of the day as a chance to rotate in some first years and give them a chance to learn to connect with the rest of the team. For most of them, though, it was their first game ever and it showed. 

They lost, but not by much. Kei had expected as much and considered it a win in terms of data collecting. Shinzen was making their predictions for future games based off of this current rotation, but things would change later. Noya was a better libero than ever and Ennoshita had managed to corral the more… emotional players, just like Sawamura had done. So, Kei wasn’t mad. 

Until a certain bed-headed university student came in to stand next to the court where Nekoma was finishing their first match against Fukurodani. 

Kei pocketed a snide remark about college students who have nothing better to do than come to high school training events, but he didn’t get a chance to chance to use it. Kuroo spent most of the morning alternating between helping the Nekoma middle blockers and hovering around Kenma, cheering for him like an embarrassingly loud parent.

After lunch was a different story. The series of events after lunch made Kei wish he could roll his eyes at every single part, but his actual response was quite the opposite.

Naturally, Kuroo complained about the heat and removed his shirt not long after lunch. Which, of course, meant he had to take a break. So, by all means, he had to dramatically collapse onto the bleachers right next to where Karasuno was playing Ubugawa. 

With his shirt behind his head like a makeshift pillow, he watched the entire match. He watched one particular middle blocker with distressing focus. Even when he got switched out, Kei felt Kuroo watching him. The whole game he was extra aware of how he was playing and what exactly his body was doing. 

By the time they began their next game, Kuroo still hadn’t said a word to him but Kei’s skin felt prickly and warm. 

At the end of their sixth game of the day, Kei took his penalty laps sweaty from more than just exertion from the previous game. 

After their final game of the day Kei was ready to take Akiteru’s advice about making mistakes. The heat that had built up in his body had very little to do with volleyball anymore.

“You’ve been watching me all afternoon.” He growled after marching over, frustration in every step. 

“Hello to you, too, Tsukki.” Kuroo sang. 

“You could’ve said something.”

“No need. I came to watch.” He purred. 

Kei glanced around to see who was nearby, then closed the distance between them. “We need to go somewhere else.” He demanded. “Now.”

“You don’t even want to talk? How rude.” Kuroo teased, but Kei was close enough to hear how his voice cracked at the start of his comeback. 

“We talk everyday. It’s all we do.” Kei turned to walk away, to find any place that wasn’t this stuffy gym filled with sweaty, screaming volleyball players. He looked back over his shoulder. “Right now talking is not what I want to do.”

He felt a tug on his wrist. Kuroo started walking towards a hallway leading out of the back of the gym. Kei followed because of course he was going to. At that point, he would have followed that idiot anywhere. 

Kuroo led them to a small hallway and stairwell connecting the gym to one of the school buildings. It was dark with only a few safety lights lighting their path. Kuroo checked the door at the end of hallway. “Locked.” He growled.

“Here’s fine.” Kei took charge, guiding Kuroo to the alcove under the stairs. The moment Kuroo’s back hit the wall, Kei kissed him hungrily, planting his hands on the wall on either side of his head. It had been weeks and even though Kei tried to not remember the last time they had done this, the memory persisted and then it grew. Kei’s imagination had ran away with those sensations ever since. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t care. 

Kuroo kissed back without any of the hesitancy of last time. His hands glided up and down Kei’s sides before resting on his back, pulling Kei in closer. Their bodies flush together, Kei parted Kuroo’s lips with his tongue and relished remembering how Kuroo tasted. 

Kuroo pulled back for a moment, catching his breath between soft pants. “You smell amazing.” He said against Kei’s lips.

That could not have been true. Kei had played volleyball all morning in an un-airconditioned gym. He spat out a laugh, despite himself. “I’m covered in sweat.”

Kuroo hummed in response and nudged Kei’s head up and to the side. He drew small circles along Kei’s neck with his tongue, pausing to gently suck at each spot before moving on to another. Kei gasped as he licked a long line up from his collarbone to his chin. He was leaning hard into Kuroo as his legs felt less and less steady. One arm fell from its spot on the wall and Kei lightly tugged on Kuroo’s hair. Kuroo moaned against his skin. “You taste amazing, too.”

Kuroo flipped their positions, pinning Kei against the wall. Even though Kei had started both times, he didn’t really know where to go. He liked what happened when Kuroo took over. Kei put both of his hands in Kuroo’s hair as they crashed back together. Kuroo had two strong hands on Kei’s back, pulling him away from the wall and closer to him. 

Kei’s tongue explored Kuroo’s mouth, leaving only to lick teasing lines along Kuroo’s bottom lip. Kuroo slipped back down to Kei’s neck, humming vibrations into his skin as he bit down a little harder, lapped at his skin with more pressure each time he found a new spot to explore. Kei tugged harder on Kuroo’s hair and Kuroo’s hands slid down Kei’s back leaving paths of heat in their wake. 

A single moan left Kei’s open mouth when Kuroo’s hands started massaging small circles into his ass. Instinctively, his hips rutted forward. Kuroo groaned and grinded back, pushing Kei harder in to the wall. 

Then he froze and pulled back. Their hips were still pressed together. Kei could feel the heat in his abdomen growing and he knew he wasn’t alone, judging by what he could feel through Kuroo’s thin volleyball shorts. But Kuroo stared at him, wide-eyed. “I need to stop.”

“Why?” Kei tried to use his normal, biting tone, but only a ragged whisper left. His eyes were still lidded, stuck in the moment that had just occurred. 

“Because with you I have a hard time staying --”

“What?” 

“--staying in control.” 

Kei moved one hand from Kuroo’s hair to twist in the front of his shirt. “Why,” he argued, “do you need to?” He pulled him into another quick, messy kiss. 

Kuroo pulled his head away, resting his head on Kei’s shoulder. Their bodies were still slotted together. “Because I think about you all the time.” 

“I do, too, and--”

“And if we keep going I’m going to want--”

“Don’t I get a say, too?” Kei pushed Kuroo’s chest back so their eyes could meet. His tone was deep and desperate. “I think about you, too, and I want the things that I imagine,” he paused, licking his lips to punctuate his next thought, “at night, by myself, after we talk… I want those things to happen.” 

Kuroo opened his mouth to respond, staring right at Kei, but no words left. So, Kei filled the thick silence with the words he thought were needed. “I think about you and I touch myself. Now, I want you to touch me,” he whispered right into his ear, “Kuroo-san.”

The dam burst. Kuroo’s lips found his again and if things felt desperate before, they were frantic now. Kuroo’s left hand tangled into Kei’s hair while his right found the hem of his shirt and started travelling the now very sensitive skin beneath it. Kei twisted his hands around Kuroo’s neck and used his leverage against the wall to slot one of his legs between Kuroo’s and grind against it. The slow groan that came from Kuroo made him feel powerful even as Kuroo unravelled his senses, alternating between hungry kisses and tracing lines from Kei’s collarbone to his chin. 

Kuroo paused to take a breath in the crook of Kei’s neck. Kei gasped as Kuroo’s right hand slipped out of his shirt and pressed into the front of his shorts. “You wanted me to touch you, right?” He sighed.

Kei swallowed hard. He tried to respond, but only a whimper left his throat as Kuroo’s hand began to move up and down along his length. He dug in to Kuroo’s back, fingers clawing for purchase. Someone else touching him, no, Kuroo touching him was so different than anything he’d ever done alone. It was Kuroo kissing his collarbone as he panted, not his imagination. It was Kuroo setting the pace, not his own hand. He had never felt this carried away before. 

The door handle at the other end of the hallway creaked and turned. The two froze, then snapped apart once they remembered where they both were. The door cracked open and someone peered in, but then they turned around to head back out.

Kei stared at Kuroo, eyes wide, mouth open, still breathing heavily. Kuroo pressed his forehead against Kei’s, “God, you look good like this.” He fell back in for a final kiss, “By now everyone will be wondering why you’re so late to dinner.”

“I don’t care, I --”

“I’ll see you again before you go.”

Kei resigned himself to his fate. “You better. And no being weird tomorrow, like last time.”

“Promise.” He paused. “Now you leave first. Can’t have you walking through the gym with red lips and make-out hair with me right behind you, can we?”

Kei scowled. “I can compose myself, but correct. Text me when you get home?”

“I promise again.”

***  
Kuroo didn’t come to the second day of practice. He had to work. That was fine, Kei decided. Things could feel more normal again. He felt impressed with the way he could compartmentalize these new sides of himself with the more typical parts. When Kuroo wasn’t around, he fell back into his routines quickly, finding it simple to focus on blocking and alternating between helping and fussing at the first years. He savored the satisfaction he got from a great, well-timed block, especially against a powerhouse school like Fukurodani. He wondered how schools like that stayed strong even when their rosters changed every year. He wondered, too, how they would keep Karasuno’s momentum going in the years to come. 

That night at dinner, only Noya and Hinata seemed to have any energy left to keep talking. Even Tanaka had reached a wall and his head kept slipping from where it was resting on his hand, threatening to fall right into his meal. 

Kei felt like he had to encourage each leg to go up another step to reach the rooms where they were sleeping. He fell onto his futon like a boulder. Tadashi did the same next to him, sighing heavily into his pillow. 

“Day 2 is so much harder.” Tadashi whined.

Kei hummed in agreement, turning his head on his pillow to face his friend. Most of the team was already out. Only Kageyama was still up, pouring over notes Yachi had collected that afternoon with a flashlight.

Kei’s phone buzzed. 

Kuroo>> you still up?

Kei>> barely

Kuroo>> lame. It’s only 9:00

Kei>> 9:30, thank you, and you didn’t play volleyball for an entire day

Kuroo>> fine  
Kuroo>> but I’m only a 20 min train ride away  
Kuroo>> I could meet you

Kei felt a shiver run up his spine. Anticipation?

Kei>> I’m tired  
Kei>> and I don’t know how to get out of here

Kuroo>> just prop open the door  
Kuroo>> or have a friend open it back up for you later  
Kuroo>> that’s what we always did  
Kuroo>> you mean you haven’t done that yet?  
Kuroo>> you’re such a good boy

Kei>> shut up  
Kei>> and yes  
Kei>> see you soon

“Tadashi,” he whispered.

“Mm?” Tadashi replied sleepily. 

He leaned over as close as he could. “If I go out for a bit, can you let me back in when I text you?” 

“What?” His friend questioned, voice thick with sleep.

“If I go outside, can you open the door when I come back?”

Tadashi opened both eyes and shot Kei a look. 

“Skip it. Yes, it’s exactly what you think. So will you?”

Tadashi nodded. “But,” he added, “don’t make me feel guilty if you get stranded because I’m too far gone and don’t feel my phone vibrate.”

“Deal.” Judging his sleeping outfit good enough, some loose shorts and a long t-shirt, Kei waited for Kuroo’s reply and shut his eyes to wait for some time to pass. Finally, he grabbed some flip flops from his bag and walked down the hall like he was going to the bathroom. When he was sure no one was watching, he passed them and walked briskly towards the hallway that would take him outside. 

Kei’s body hummed with excitement, but he swore he could almost feel the embarrassment and shame of tomorrow reverberating back to the present. 

Kei>> I’m in the courtyard by the back entrance  
Kei>> there’s a gate that someone left open

Kuroo>> can you slip through?  
Kuroo>> there’s a place where some of us would escape to nearby  
Kuroo>> leave a rock in it or something to keep it open  
Kuroo>> and I’ll be at the gate in 5

Almost five minutes later exactly, Kuroo walked up to the gate. “Evening, Tsukki. Don’t you look cute, all ready for bed?”

“What was your excuse? You’re dressed the same.”

“Lazy. Work was dumb. Restaurants are disgusting and people are mean.” Kuroo pouted. He turned on his heels. “I’ll lead the way!” 

“Where are we going?” Kei asked cautiously. 

“Tsukki, you act like it’s the middle of the night. It’s 10 o’clock. There are grandmothers still out walking. There’s a spot about a block away.”

The spot turned out to be a long stretch of grass beside a river, nothing like the one that sat next to several weeks ago in Miyagi, but it was pleasant. The walk over, though short, had been enough in the thick, oppressive humidity for both of them to form lines of sweat along their foreheads. 

Kuroo sat down, cross-legged. When Kei sat too far away, he scooted over until their sides were touching. “Last night was fun.”

Kei hummed a non-committal response. 

“You told me not to ignore it, and I definitely won’t this time.” He leaned over towards Kei. “This time I have you all to myself.” 

Kei worked up a retort, “Sure, except for the fact that we’re in public.”

“No one comes back here. It’s where we came to sneak beers at our last two training camps. Ah, memories.” Kuroo sighed and leaned in further to kiss Kei’s neck. 

Kei turned pink with embarrassment. He couldn’t believe how little it took for Kuroo to press the right button. It was like the moment he saw him, his body buzzed with impatience and any little nudge could flip his switch. 

Kuroo asked between kisses along Kei’s neck, “Can we pick up where we left off?” 

Kei turned to meet his eyes. “Yes.” He bit his lower lip. “Please.”

“God, you’re cute.” He growled. Then he turned his body so his legs were next to where Kei’s were crossed but his arms were on either side, caging him in. “This okay?”

Kei nodded, his heart already pounding in his chest. Kuroo started slowly, testing the waters, giving Kei time to find a place for his hands and to stop shifting so awkwardly. Kei settled on having one hand behind him, keeping him steady, and another wrapped around Kuroo’s torso, his fingers gripping into his back. Comfortable, Kuroo deepen the kiss and Kei responded, letting Kuroo’s tongue slide in and explore. It wasn’t long until Kei felt the same as the night before, and his arm ached behind him. 

He broke the kiss. “My arm’s tired.” He announced and used it as an excuse to lie back on the grass. His heart was thumping. He was sure Kuroo could hear it. 

Kuroo’s eyes opened wider and he looked down at Kei, taking him in. Abruptly, he swung one of his legs around so he was now straddling him. For a moment, they both just looked at the other, recognizing the shift. “This okay?” Kuroo choked out.

“Yes.” Kei said, knotting his fingers into Kuroo’s shirt and pulling him down. Kuroo’s weight on top of him as they kissed did intense things to Kei’s brain. The pressure of another human body, of Kuroo’s body, on top of his, heightened all the sensations he had the night before. He could feel it every time Kuroo shifted, he could feel his muscles, and he felt the heat building in his own abdomen match Kuroo’s. They were again aligned so that everything met, from heaving chests to tightening clothes. Kei’s mind let go and he was lost again, blissfully lost. 

This time when Kuroo slid to the side to let his hands explore, they found the hem of Kei’s shorts and his fingers dipped below the waistband. Kei took in a sharp breath. Kuroo’s fingers stopped and Kei knotted one of his hands in Kuroo’s hair. “Don’t stop there.” He said in a wrecked whisper. 

So Kuroo didn’t. His fingers slipped all the way in until his fingertips met Kei’s cock. Kei’s back arched a little at the touch and Kuroo grinned. He stroked little circles up and down until he gently wrapped each finger around it. When he started moving up and down, Kei pulled Kuroo into another kiss, sloppier than before. He could already feel heat pooling in his stomach, cascading downwards. It was quick, too quick, he thought, before his breathing hitched, his face contorted, and Kuroo guided him through his release. 

He lay there for a moment, unable to piece together everything that had just happened. In the back of his mind, he knew he was going to feel mortified that someone else had seen him so open and vulnerable, especially since it had been so one-sided. “Kuroo, can I --?”

“I don’t know, Tsukki. You look so perfect and exhausted right now. Can you do anything? Will I have to carry you back?”

“I want to.”

Kuroo’s countenance shifted. He lowered his body until he was also lying down, facing Kei. “I’m all yours.” 

Kei kissed deeply him until he worked up his courage. He was still fresh off the high of his own release, boneless and blissed out, so it didn’t take long. Overthinking was for daytime Kei. 

He mirrored Kuroo’s actions, exploring the skin beneath Kuroo’s shirt, sliding along the muscles in his chest, before dipping down below his waistband. 

Kuroo must have noticed his surprise that he was still hard. “You put on a good show, Tsukki.” 

As he moved around, he tried to overcome the anxiety creeping in. He truly didn’t know what he was doing. He tried to do exactly what Kuroo did, mixed with what he knew he enjoyed on his own, but he wasn’t getting the response he longed to hear spill from Kuroo’s lips. 

He felt a hand rest on top of his. Wordlessly, Kuroo started guiding Kei’s hand into a rhythm. Kei followed, adding pressure as time passed, until Kuroo’s hand dropped away and there were soft pants escaping Kuroo’s lips. When Kuroo finally lost control, Kei watched his face and marvelled at what he had been able to do to him. 

***  
The entire next day Kei was sure there were phantoms following him around holding up banners loudly proclaiming what he had done. “Tsukishima broke the rules!” “Tsukishima snuck out!” “Tsukishima enjoyed some hand jobs in a public place!” 

But, other than Tadashi, there were no knowing glances from anyone. How could they know? Kei kept his personal life close to his chest. 

At the farewell bar-b-que, Kuroo stopped in for less than an hour. “Got a chance for another shift tonight. Need to make that rent money,” he explained. After a quick session along the back wall of the gym, Kuroo kissed him on the forehead. “Time to go. This was fun.”

“Yes it was.” Kei agreed.

“Until next time.” He grinned wide, kissing Kei again before running off to catch his train.

Sugawara and Daichi showed up later that day to catch up with their previous teammates. They weren’t openly acting like a couple, but knowing what he knew, Kei could see it. The way they talked together was so effortless. He would catch Suga watching Daichi with soft eyes as he laughed. He saw the way Daichi watched Suga tell an animated story about a college party to Tanaka and Noya. Their eyes would meet, their hands would brush past one another, pinky fingers catching before they let go, a whole wordless conversation connecting them both together in a comfortable coexistence. 

I want that. Kei froze in realization.

Making out and going further was fun, really fun, but there was a reason everytime Kuroo left, Kei felt weird. It was in the wrong order. Kei had jumped in because Kuroo was the type of person that made you want to dive in head first and ask questions later, or never. He liked who he was around Kuroo, liked how he felt, but the moment Kuroo was gone, there was nothing left to hold on to. Kei had never made plans for how he wanted things like this to go but, he realized with a start, this was not how he wanted it to go. He wanted someone to look at him the same way Daichi looked at Suga. He wanted a boyfriend and Kuroo’s words, “I don’t really do that” echoed in his mind until the sounds of the bar-b-que faded away and Kei was lost in thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so tough to write! I was stuck for so long at different parts and I kept re-writing every little part. I think... I think I got there. 
> 
> As always, thank you for your lovely support. Every kudos, comment, bookmark, and subscription brings me such joy!
> 
> [Hang out with me on Tumblr](http://melliejellie.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei processes everything that happened at the Tokyo training camp, accepts a confession, and makes a big mess because both he and Kuroo are way too stubborn.
> 
> Basically the chapter where Tsukki is like, "If you liked it then you shoulda put a label on it."

The drive home from Tokyo was uncomfortable. 

The angel he was, Tadashi sat next to Kei like normal, but didn’t ask any intrusive questions. In fact, they rode most of the way home without any words exchanged at all. Kei wore his noise-cancelling headphones and Tadashi dozed off a few times and conversed with other players on the bus when he was awake. When they did speak it was about serves or blocks or what they wanted to do with the rest of their break.

It wasn’t until the walk home, when Kei was sure that the others had energetically run home already, that he showed signs of being ready to talk. Tadashi knew them by now. Kei would walk a little more slowly. He would start and stop a few times without saying anything of importance. Kei knew he did this and he recognized how silly it was, but he was also comforted by the fact that Tadashi knew these cues and he didn’t have to work up any courage on his own around him. Tadashi would be brave for him. 

“Were you surprised Kuroo-san came so many days?” Tadashi asked.

Kei shrugged. “I knew he would. We talked about it.”

They were moving at a snail’s pace along the sidewalk next to the school. “So,” he started cautiously, “can you call yourselves a couple now, or what?”

“I don’t think it’s going anywhere.” 

Tadashi stopped momentarily. “Is that okay... with you, I mean?” He looked concerned. 

A sharp note of re-realization struck Kei in the chest. “I guess.” He kept walking. “I just don’t think that’s going where I want it to go.” Seeing Tadashi’s frown, he added, “He’s already said he’s not the dating type and based on everything he posts and the things he talked about in college, it’s clear he’s not looking to be stuck with some guy two years younger who lives an expensive train ride away.”

“So, do you know where you want things to go?”

“Actually,” Kei started, “I think I do.” He turned to face his friend. “I don’t want to just play around with someone. I want to be…” he paused, “comfortable?” He finished, a questioning tone in his voice. 

Tadashi smiled softly. “That makes sense. You work really hard to find ways to be comfortable around people.”

Kei arched an eyebrow.

“You do, though! You keep up this whole,” he motioned up and down Kei’s body, “salty thing because it’s a comfortable way to navigate interactions. Outside of that is hard.” He added quickly, “I get it. I keep up the smiley thing for the same reason. And it’s nice to have a few people in your life where you don’t have to put on the salt or the smile to feel comfortable.” 

“I don’t really think I get--”

“I mean, you need someone who gets the salty side but also helps the sweet side emerge too, right?”

“Gross. I don’t have a sweet side.”

Tadashi laughed. “Even I get to see it sometimes. And your family gets to see it a lot, even if you serve it with a lot of attitude.” He gently bumped into Kei’s shoulder. “If it doesn’t feel right, then trust your gut. You deserve to feel, at the very least, fine about it all.”

“But,” Kei began without knowing how to finish the question that had brewed in his mind since the bar-b-que, “how do you know what feels fine?”

He could tell from his expression that Tadashi didn’t get where he was going.

“How do you separate what is good nerves, a sign of, perhaps, passion and interest, and bad nerves, a sign that things aren’t okay?”

His friend took several steps before speaking again. “I don’t think that’s easy to sort out. I guess it’s what you walk away with? And Tsukki,” he looked Kei in the eye for the briefest moment, his tone laced with sympathy, “if you’re asking that, I bet you already know.” 

He did. He had thought it about it for the past few days. If people learned about relationships by watching the people around them, then Kei had very little to go off of. His parents were the most visible relationship in his life, and while they had never been unhappy, they were never really happy either. There was no obvious passion or interest there. Ever since Kei was little, his father worked overseas. He’d be gone in China for four to five months at a time, then come home for long breaks in the summer and winter. There was never any animosity, just a lack of interacting. 

From his point of view, his parents’ relationship seemed like an amicable business transaction. 

Kei did not want an amicable business transaction. He also did not want to be with someone who would be oversensitive to the way he talked and joked or wouldn’t give him space when he needed it. He did not want to be a “friend with benefits.” Kei could list a lot of what he didn’t want. It was much harder to list the things he did want, except for one. 

He wanted to add the category of “boyfriend” to his life’s list, but he couldn’t see what it would look like. 

***  
23:34  
Kuroo>> tsukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
Kuroo>> college life isgreeeeeaaaaaaat  
Kuroo>> hurryupandgethere

Kei>> still have an entire year and half

Kuroo>> ivehad a beer and a haaaaaalf  
Kuroo>> or 4ish

Kei>> I can tell

Kuroo>> no iamdoing a very god jbo  
Kuroo>> good jbo  
Kuroo>> job

Kei>> have fun

Kuroo>> wouldbe mroe  
Kuroo>> fun  
Kuroo>> if you came  
Kuroo>> WINKS LOUDLY

Kei>> you can’t wink loudly

00:11  
Kuroo>> correct  
Kuroo>> I tried  
Kuroo>> coulNOT wink loudly  
Kuroo>> still come mkeout with meeeeeeee

***  
After the new term began, Kei replied to Nishigawa in his own handwritten letter. A text hadn’t felt right. It was short, even shorter than the original confession, but he said what he needed to say. Kei wrote that he needed to know him better before he could draw any conclusions of his own. Nishigawa seemed understanding and they agreed to meet one Sunday afternoon in August. 

The day began awkwardly, to say the least. The train ride with Nishigawa had been excruciating. They planned to see a movie at a theater a few towns down south on the train line. The theater was bigger and had more options, but more importantly, the chances of running into someone from school was far lower. On the other hand, it meant they had to sit and talk for a minimum of twenty minutes before having anything else to occupy their attention. 

Kei arrived to the station ten minutes early, because anything less than that was late. As it turned out, Nishigawa had similar rules, or at least had been too anxious to be late, so the stiff small talk began a full ten minutes earlier than it had to. 

Nishigawa walked up to him wearing a white, short-sleeved button down, jeans that were rolled up at the bottom, and a pair of colorful sneakers. His hair looked the same as it did in school - soft and brown with little wisps sticking out from the sides. He was about the same height as Kei and usually wore a pleasant smile on his face. On paper, he was attractive. In practice, he didn’t make Kei feel flustered or like the nerves endings in his skin were waking up all at once. 

“How is the basketball club this year?” Kei asked quickly, ready as soon as they found seats on the train.

“Pretty good, actually. Nothing like you guys, but we’ve done well in our practice matches and have some more local tournaments in the fall this year.” They both stared forward at the seats across from theirs or at the scenery outside the train. “Do you think you’ll get to Nationals again this year?”

Kei nodded subtly. “I think we could. We’re definitely not the same team we were last year, but I think even though we have some obvious weaknesses, there’s different strengths than we had last year, too.”

Nishigawa hummed a response.

And so it went. For twenty-five minutes. They could talk in short one minute bursts, then they’d fade into anything but a comfortable silence before one of them brought up another safe topic, like school or summer holidays. 

But he did learn some things. Nishigawa travelled a lot over the summer. He had an older sister who lived in the United States that he visited for two weeks each summer. His grades were good, he’d liked basketball since he was in elementary school, and he read a lot of books.

Kei shared that he got into volleyball because of his older brother. He talked about some of the things he was interested in majoring in for college and said he listened to a lot of music. He followed up Nishigawa’s answer about summer holidays by saying that he did nothing except go to the training camp. Then he immediately changed the subject. 

Stepping off the train, the humidity hit Kei like a wall. He couldn’t suppress a scowl and Nishigawa laughed. 

“Summer not your thing, Tsukishima?” 

“No. Neither is winter, though.” His voice was his typical flat and salty. 

Nishigawa didn’t recoil from his tone, he just kept talking, his demeanor growing more comfortable as they walked towards the theater. Kei saw it in the way his gait became a bit longer, more casual. His laughter came a bit more freely and was no longer being used to fill awkward silences. 

“I get it. Summer in southern California was brutal. I visit my sister every summer but it’s like I forget how hot it can get when there’s nothing but sun, concrete, and a sea of buildings. It’s fun but I’ll take Miyagi over that any day. Would you ever live in a big city?”

“I haven’t given it that much thought.”

“I might not stay in Miyagi but I could never see myself living in a place like Tokyo or Osaka, or something like that. It’s so cramped.”

“There’s more to do?”

“Maybe. But, like I said earlier, I want to study zoology and there are a ton of biological stations out in the sticks. That’s all I want.”

“A life in the woods?” Kei grinned.

“Basically.” Nishigawa turned and caught Kei’s small smile. Encouraged, he continued. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

“At what?”

“Ask me what I want to study.”

“Okay, Nishigawa-san, what do you want to study in the woods?”

He stopped walking and looked straight at him, eyes and smile wide and bright. “Bugs.”

That small, geeky secret opened some more pathways of conversation. It wasn’t effortless by any means, but before the movie started, Kei caught himself talking more about himself without remembering to keep up his guard. 

After the movie, Kei wasn’t sure what to do. There was still plenty of day left to live, but he wondered what message each choice would send. They had agreed to see a movie. The movie was fine. They could now discuss that movie on the way home on the train, split at the train station, and go to their own houses. But how would that be received? Did it seem cold and uninterested?

Alternatively, he could ask Nishigawa if he wanted to get coffee and they could talk some more, but Kei also felt a wall of interaction weariness looming. Would that say that Kei thought things should go further? 

Apparently, Nishigawa had no such inner turmoil. “You want to grab a coffee or something?” Or if he did, he hid it better than Kei.

Over two cups of iced coffee, Kei learned that Nishigawa could talk, like, could tell a story for ten minutes without pausing talk. In a way, it reminded Kei of Tadashi, though he wondered if that was because he didn’t know enough types of people. He didn’t ramble, though. Instead, he was thoughtful and seemed to choose his words, even if they did tumble out at great speed. And he never interrupted Kei when he chose to share. It was tough not to notice the way his mood perked up when he talked about his family or basketball or miss the subtle way he tossed his head to the side when his hair fell into his eyes. 

He only slowed when the ice in both cups had melted into a light brown liquid, condensation gathering in pools on the table between them. “Thank you for coming today.”

So sincere. Kei inwardly grimaced. On the outside, he nodded and cracked a small smile in response.

“I enjoyed getting to know you more.”

Kei swallowed and thought of a million not nice things he could say about himself from ‘there’s not much to know’ to a simple, but nasty, ‘why?’ He shut down the spiral. “Thanks. You, too.” He looked up and questioned the source of his nerves. Conversation with a new person? Being an introvert running almost on empty? Something about his face? 

“I was really scared to give you that letter, you know. I must have re-written it dozens of times. I didn’t know what I thought would happen but,” he chose his next words slowly, “this is probably one of the best scenarios I imagined.” 

Kei’s brain screamed to ask ‘Why, why, why me? What does someone see in me?’ He settled into his comfortable coping mechanisms. “I liked the letter. It was smart. Professional.” Kei smirked. 

Nishigawa laughed. “You didn’t seem like the love poem type.”

“Are you the love poem type?”

“Wouldn’t know. Haven’t gotten one yet.” He laughed again. “I’d like to think yes. In fact, I’d bet on yes.”

There was something about the easy way he could admit embarrassing things that Kei just liked. It was amusing, like watching someone try to chug milk. A little bit gross, but mostly entertaining. On the train ride home, they still talked but when silences trickled in, they weren’t instantly filled with needless chatter. Kei still didn’t feel the same stomach tightening or breath hitching that he had around Kuroo, not even close, but as they parted he agreed to see Nishigawa again the next weekend.

Kei went home and tried to reorganize his mental categories once more. If love was broken down into family love, friend love, and romantic love, then perhaps there were different types of romantic love. He would assume that at one point his parents felt some kind of romantic love, but now they seemed on the cooler end of that. On the complete other end was the enjoyable foggy, light headed feeling around Kuroo that made him stretch the limits of every part of his comfort zone. Surely, something like that was not sustainable. And definitely something like that could never be a part of something solid and lasting. Maybe the person you’re supposed to end up with isn’t the one that ‘sweeps you off your feet’ but instead gives you a safe place to stand? 

***  
18:43  
Kuroo>> Where were you all daaaaay yesterday?  
Kuroo>> I sent a million texts

Kei>> saw a movie with a friend

Kuroo>> freckles? 

Kei>> no

Kuroo>> ?

Kei>> I know other humans besides Yamaguchi

Kuroo>> naturally  
Kuroo>> we all know many humans  
Kuroo>> usually you don’t spend extra time with any other humans  
Kuroo>> besides freckles  
Kuroo>> was it sunshine?

Kei>> who?

Kuroo>> hinata! Sunshine!

Kei>> no

Kuroo>> couldn’t be kageyama, tho you both have compatible scowls

Kei>> correct

Kuroo>> CORRECT? So it was him?

Kei>> no, correct that it couldn’t be him  
Kei>> stop guessing

***  
Typically when a teenage boy furiously deletes his search history and double-checks to make sure everything is gone, it’s because there were some biological needs to relieve. Kei, on the other hand, deleted an hour’s worth of reading that stemmed from search terms like “how to talk about your feelings,” “types of love,” “dating help,” and simply, “love or lust?”

Every sign of the past hour had to be deleted from the Earth. 

And the knowledge gained hadn’t even been worth it. No one knew what they were talking about. The same search term could pull up a site about “dating rules,” like when to text and what to say to get someone wrapped around your finger, and the next link would be some guy waxing poetic about being open and honest and having a storybook romance. 

So if no one had any idea, but Kei still needed to process, then there was only one person who could be on the listening end of that conversation.

Kei>> can we go smack volleyballs as hard as we can?

Tadashi>> yes. How soon?

Kei>> like, now?

Tadashi>> done. Let me finish eating lunch and I’ll see you at the park

In between setting and spiking the ball into the sand court at the park, Kei asked Tadashi about how things were going. His friend filled him in on the family news - his uncle was doing better, another cousin was getting married and Tadashi did not want to attend his fourth summer wedding - before diving back into Tadashi’s favorite recent topic, college. 

In the past few weeks, Tadashi had started to sound more like Kei’s spreadsheets than his usually relatively carefree self. With Suga and Takeda-sensei’s help, he’d made lists of schools, had researched education programs, and was trying to build a regular tutoring schedule so he could get some experience before applying to schools. 

Listening to Tadashi’s excitement and determination made Kei’s issues seem laughable by comparison. College. Careers. That’s where his own focus should be. How had he let his hold over his mind go so slack?

“...another confession on Tuesday and--”

Kei caught himself being a poor listener. “What?”

Tadashi jumped to serve the ball towards a brick wall on the other side of the court. “There was another confession in my bag on Tuesday.”

“Did you tell me about the first one?”

“Maybe not. I thought I did. They make me feel really bad.” 

Kei tossed another ball to his friend to serve. “Why?”

“Let’s just say you’re not the only one who wanted to hit balls into oblivion today.”

Kei chuckled. “So agressive, from you of all people.” 

Tadashi laughed, too. “I know, I just…” he slipped under the net to gather the last few serves he’d hit, “when I get them they come with such an obligation. It’s so brave to write and give these precious little notes and when I don’t reciprocate I feel so guilty.” 

“You don’t like any of them?” Kei rather liked being on the opposite end of this conversation for once. 

“Not like that, no.” He paused in front of Kei, catching his breath. “Not really anybody like that, to be honest. It’s like, okay I’m only telling you this because you tell me your junk, but I kept waiting for some switch to flip but it’s kind of like, maybe dating isn’t all that important to me?” His voice was growing a bit softer. “I kept asking myself ‘how do I know if I like someone?’ until I tried to settle on being okay with not liking anyone that way… for now?”

The Tsukishimas and sincerity mixed like oil and water, but Kei could tell Tadashi needed something. “Not doing what everyone else is doing is basically our whole deal, right?” He cracked a smile.

Tadashi managed a small smile out of the corner of his mouth. “I guess.”

“Everyone else is boring. And awful. We should destroy them.” Kei gave his best crazy eyes. 

“You would do that? For me?” 

“Obviously.”

“Not what I asked for, but I’ll take it. True friendship is knowing that your best friend will commit murders for you.”

“Or assist you. I said ‘we.’” 

“Fine. We can dispose of our enemies together.” By then the two were both laughing again and falling back into a routine of serves and spikes came easily. 

“So why did you need to hit things?” Tadashi asked after a while.

Honesty. Go with honesty. “Because I am consumed by biology and my rational brain no longer comprehends what the rest of me is doing.” Honesty shrouded in unnecessary words. Perfect. 

“Are we talking about Kuroo or Nishigawa?”

“Both.”

“Tsukki!”

“Not like that. I’m not dating either of them. Or,” he paused, “maybe I am dating Nishigawa. I don’t know.”

“How many dates?”

“Yesterday made three.”

“You’re dating. Those are dates. You have plans for future dates, I presume, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation, and there are three behind you. Regardless of your feelings, you’re dating. That’s just what the word means.” Tadashi's playfully patronizing tone didn’t go unnoticed. “So what’s the issue?”

“I just don’t feel anything.” It was the first time Kei said it out loud. It felt mean-spirited. “He is kind, respectful of my space, easier to talk to than I’d expect, and his face is inoffensive--”

“Tsukki! Don’t make me swoon from such romantic speech. Oh, his inoffensive face!” 

Kei served a ball towards his friend, catching him off-guard. “As I was saying, on paper he’s great and I enjoy spending time with him, but I don’t--”

“Want to shove your face on his face?”

“Now who’s romantic? But, essentially, yes. I think it could with time? I think I want it to?”

“And Kuroo?”

“That’s still very much there, hence the earlier comment about my inner conflict between what is biological and what is rational. But,” Kei added, “It will fade with time.”

“You seem sure.”

“I am. He’s made it pretty clear that he’s enjoying what he has going on right now. I don’t need to force that to change. I wouldn’t want to.”

At some point, the two had sat down on the grass next to the court, both wiping off sweat from their foreheads. “Have you talked about it? With more exact words?”

Kei’s silence was his response.

“If you haven’t said more exact words, you might be making a lot of assumptions.”

“He did say that he doesn’t really date.”

“And you can take that however you want, I guess. Look, I won’t push you either way, but whatever you choose, go with that decision completely. Now, can we please go back to smacking things as hard as we can?”

***  
Late Friday night, Kei took Tadashi’s advice, pushed to action by a selfie from Kuroo. He quickly scrolled past the image of Kuroo pretending to sleep on his pillow, eyes shut and mouth wide open in a fake snore. Repulsive. Gorgeous.

22:57  
Kei>> maybe we don’t need so many bedtime selfies

Kuroo>> ?

Kei>> or selfies in general  
Kei>> I see a lot of you online already, haha

Kuroo>> okay

23:04  
Kuroo>> did I do something?

Kei>> no

Kuroo>> can you tell me why?  
Kuroo>> we already don’t see each other much  
Kuroo>> and we text a lot less now  
Kuroo>> are you mad? 

Kei>> no  
Kei>> it’s not anything like that

23:12  
Kuroo>> look, I usually don’t push  
Kuroo>> but I deserve something here, I think

Kei>> it doesn’t feel right anymore  
Kei>> because  
Kei>> I am kind of seeing someone

23:18  
Kuroo>> congrats!

His phone didn’t buzz again that night and he couldn’t think of anything else to say. Kei stayed awake for hours. He tried reading. He tried listening to music. He tried sleeping, but he couldn’t do more than doze off before jolting awake again. 

***  
Nishigawa and a few of his friends from the basketball team had attended the first preliminaries for the Miyagi Spring High School representative.To be fair, most of Karasuno had come that day, much to Kei’s surprise. Turns out, representing your prefecture will do a lot for your school’s pride in your team. The support added more pressure than comfort for Kei, but that, he figured, had more to do with thinking about someone watching him in particular. When he glanced up to the stands, he would sometimes catch Nishigawa’s soft gaze and sideways grin. 

On Wednesdays, they started having lunch together, merging friend groups -- or rather, merging one group with Tadashi and Kei -- well enough to talk about sports, quizzes, and, everyone’s favorite uncomfortable small talk topic, the weather. 

The most that had occured between them over the past few dates had been Nishigawa’s hand resting on top of his own at another movie, and even that took until the third date. Kei didn’t push for anything more. 

Which is why Kei was surprised when Nishigawa caught up to him one afternoon on his walk home. They didn’t walk home together. Nishigawa didn’t even live in the same direction. It felt like the day Nishigawa had confessed. Tadashi was no where around and Nishigawa’s usual breezy personality felt a bit more constrained. They talked about their upcoming Sunday plans when Nishigawa’s voice dropped off suddenly. 

Kei felt everything before he pieced it together. He felt Nishigawa’s hand brush against his own, saw his face moving closer with purpose, felt his breath against his lips, heard his heart pound in his ears, and he panicked, darting to the right. A no-doubt well-planned kiss missed and grazed his left cheek. 

Nishigawa pulled back wordlessly, his face somewhere between a grimace and a quiver. He slipped out a hasty “bye,” and rushed off in the opposite direction. 

Kei felt like the biggest asshole. 

To his surprise, Nishigawa didn’t cancel their weekend plans, but they didn’t ride the train together. He said he’d already be there in the morning and that Kei could meet up with him later. This wasn’t going to be an easy day, Kei figured. Dread and annoyance and optimism and yet some more dread. 

When the dam of pleasant small talk finally broke over coffee grown cold, Nishigawa’s voice came out slow and pensive.

“So, I have to ask about earlier this week.”

Kei made a sound that got caught in his throat. 

“I like to be as direct as I can, but if you need time to process before answering that’s fine. Just, was it because I surprised you or is there something else?”

Kei didn’t need processing time. He had already done it all week long. But he still took his time, choosing his words as carefully as he could. “I know that it being a surprise played a role in my reflexive response.” Nishigawa was watching him thoughtfully. “I didn’t choose that reaction.”

“But… it’s really clear there’s a ‘but’ in that sentence that you’re leaving out.”

Kei stared at the table top.

Nishigawa continued. “Like, if I reached over right now, or we found a quiet spot outside, would you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.” But it sounded more like a question than a statement. Kei hated his mouth. He could control his tongue and dish out any tone he needed most of the time, but when it came to the things that mattered, that wall he had built wouldn’t save him anymore. Sound poured out without the necessary filters. 

Silence passed for a few minutes. Nishigawa tapped his foot under the table. Kei sat completely still.

“It’s okay, it’s not like it’s been forever. It’s only been about six weeks.”

Was he calling it or was he saying it was fine to take their time? Kei couldn’t tell. 

“If you don’t feel anything, then--”

“I want to, though.” Kei interjected. 

Nishigawa pursed his lips then let out a sigh. “That’s nice, but, maybe not what I’m looking for? God, that sounds rude or, like, egotistical, but I think it’d be better if we both had someone where those things weren’t so… difficult.”

Kuroo’s stupid grin. Those stupid selfies. His stupid abs and his stupid arms. The stupid way he had been kind to his family and respectful in his room. Just two stupid magnets crashing together in a way that made him feel warm but lonely. 

Kei just nodded.

“I’m going to regret asking this, I’m sure. But I think if I don’t ask it, the way my brain answers it over and over will be far more unkind. Is there a reason you don’t feel… things now? Do I want to know it?” He tried to look as light hearted as possible. He wasn’t on the verge of tears or anything, but this wasn’t great for either of them. 

“I don’t really think I know.”

“You sure? Because otherwise I’m going to be certain I’m hideous” he tried to joke, “or that I pushed you away.” He ended thoughtfully. 

Kei sighed deeply. “Nishigawa-san, you are very nice, you seem to get my sense of humor and I like how much care you put into classwork, sports, and thinking about your future. I admire a lot about you. And I promise you are not hideous.” In his head, he wanted to try to crack a grin, but it didn’t come out. Instead, he sighed. “If I were to make a list of the things I’d like, you would meet so much of that criteria, an overwhelming amount, but” he paused, “there is an idiot. In Tokyo.”

Nishigawa sat back in his chair, eyes still straight ahead. 

Kei tried to read his expression. “Nothing has happened for a while, I promise.” He added, “I even kind of stopped talking to him for the past two weeks. I didn’t want it to ruin… this, especially since it’s never going to go anywhere good. But, so much for that.” He desperately wanted to stop talking about himself. “I really am sorry.”

He took his time sitting back up and setting his forearms on the table, crossing them lazily in front of him. “It’s fine. I’m fine. It hasn’t even been two months.” While his voice told a slightly different story, Kei let him choose his narrative. “Thank you for writing me back in the first place. And thanks for being good movie company.”

Kei searched for words. “Thank you, too.” He wanted to add ‘you helped me figure out what I wanted’ or ‘because of you I had someone else in my life besides Tadashi’ but both of those were selfish and callous. In a low tone, he choked out a few little words, “thank you for being kind to me.” 

***  
Just two days after his first official breakup, Kuroo texted him.

It had been over two weeks since Kuroo sent the words “congrats!” There weren’t even “good morning”s or “hello”s anymore. It was for the best. Kei had spent the better part of the last week reminding himself what life had been like before the first Tokyo training camp. Some changes were positive, especially Tadashi pushing him to do and achieve more, but some Kei definitely could have done without. It was difficult not to regret a lot of it. Though, Akiteru’s words about learning from each relationship, both the positive and the negative, stuck around in his mind. So far, he reasoned, he had learned that relationships were stressful, that dating took practice to not feel so strange, and that saying what you wanted to say was a lot harder when you were actively trying not to hurt the other person. 

But Kuroo texting him on a weeknight with a random, provoking question was not one of those times when he wanted to watch his words. 

9:48  
Kuroo>> Are we still friends?

Kei stared at his screen. He was in no mood for any more of this. In the past few days he’d ruined a kiss with a perfectly nice boy and experienced the awkward hell of a breakup conversation.

Kei>> what kind of question is that?

Kuroo>> we don’t talk anymore unless I message you  
Kuroo>> I figured it was fair to ask

He could feel the frustration boiling up inside him. Normal, boring days must be a thing of the past. Teenage purgatory was real. 

Kei>> where is this coming from?

Kuroo>> not obvious? I just said  
Kuroo>> We used to talk everyday, remember that?

Fine. If Kuroo had chosen now as the time to enter the garbage dump of feelings, then fine.

Kei>> we stopped talking about friend stuff a while ago  
Kei>> I don’t think friends flirt constantly  
Kei>> or sneak out to meet up at night

[9:53 missed call from Kuroo]

Kuroo>> I don’t want to have this conversation over text  
Kuroo>> it’s too easy to misunderstand

Kei>> I don’t want to pick up  
Kei>> here is fine  
Kei>> what is it you need to say?

Kuroo>> look, if you regret things, I’m sorry  
Kuroo>> I really am  
Kuroo>> but you pushed things forward, too

Kei>> I don’t regret anything  
Kei>> and you had already made things clear

Kuroo>> what does that mean?

[9:57 missed call from Kuroo]

Kuroo>> please pick up  
Kuroo>> what did you mean?

Kei’s fingers couldn’t type fast enough. He didn’t know where his words were going. His pulse was quick and he was breathing in short, heavy bursts.

Kei>> I mean that I thought I liked you, but you had already told me that you don’t really date and that our age gap bothered you. You’ve mentioned it again since then. I knew all of that about you and was drawn back in anyway because why not? Why not keep making these choices? I have fun and then I feel awful. This is the new pattern in my life.  
Kei>> You told me what you wanted. It doesn’t match what I want now.

Kuroo>> you make a lot of assumptions without asking me

Kei>> I DID ask. Do you not remember?  
Kei>> I even just reminded you.

Kuroo>> that wasn’t everything I said 

Kei>> your actions say a lot, too

Kuroo>> so do yours!  
Kuroo>> you start dating out of nowhere  
Kuroo>> and drop me from your life

[10:02 missed call from Kuroo]

Kuroo>> why won’t you answer? Please pick up

Kei>> no

Kuroo>> Tsukki, please. I don’t want to have this conversation over text.

Kei>> you started it in a text

Kuroo>> because we hadn’t talked in weeks. I wasn’t going to just call. Please?

The next time his phone vibrated in his hands, Kei picked up. Neither of them said anything for a beat. Kei could hear Kuroo’s breath in the receiver, quick like his own but nowhere near as heated.

“What?” Kei spat with as much venom as he could muster. Kuroo started this conversation. They could have just left it alone, let whatever this was wither away.

“You’re forgetting part of the conversation.” Kuroo’s voice was quieter, but forceful.

Kei didn’t respond.

“I said ‘maybe.’ When you asked if I would date someone, someone like you, I said ‘maybe.’”

His reply to this had been tumbling around in his mind for weeks. Clarity finally came from an unlikely source - Nishigawa. 

“Why should I wait around for a maybe?”

Kuroo didn’t answer for a while. Maybe he had thought his words would have been received as a romantic gesture. Clearly not. “I was just so surprised when you said you were seeing someone. It was only, like, a month after we last saw each other and I thought we had--”

“What?” Kei interrupted. “We had what?”

“What was it you even wanted? Did you ever actually tell me?” Now Kuroo’s tone was matching Kei’s. 

When Kei didn’t answer, Kuroo kept talking. “See? You didn’t. I’ve been strung along--”

“Strung along? How? If anything I was strung along because you--”

“Be careful. You’ve said a lot about me just now. Maybe focus on your own choices.”

“You’re the one doesn’t date! And the one who had an issue with me still being younger!”

“That was only because I didn’t want to push you past what you were -- ugh, you’re right! I wanted to enjoy college. Is that so wrong? And I said maybe!” Kuroo yelled. He took a few deep breaths while Kei fumed. Kuroo’s voice came back softer but still aggressive. “I would have tried for you.”

“I don’t want you to try. I want you to want it. I don’t want to be dragged along waiting to see if you want to be my boyfriend when I’m older and you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing now. So what would your answer be, right now?” 

“Not like this, not now.” 

“Yes now. You text me out of the blue with some weird question, it leads to this, now answer.”

Kei heard an exasperated sigh on the other end. “Maybe. Yes. Definitely not like this.”

“I don’t want to be your long-distance maybe.” He paused, searching for words that he could end on. “Well, Kuroo, maybe you were right. Maybe a high schooler isn’t worth your time. Maybe I’m just angry that I threw away something else because I kept comparing him to you. Maybe not talking was best for us.”

Kei was done speaking, but he didn’t hang up. He waited.

“You’re right about a lot of things, I’ll admit, but not everything. And you don’t know my reasons and you--” he cut himself off. “Not worth it. Tsukki, I’ll miss you.”

***  
Kei woke up at nearly noon on his birthday. Tadashi was still asleep on a futon on the floor. Half of his body was thrown out of the blankets at odd angles, even though the temperature had dropped a fair amount the night before. Kei knew that one half of his friend was ice cold and the other half was on fire, exactly how Tadashi liked to sleep. 

His dreams had been weird, fueled by the marathon of stupid animal horror movies they watched the night before. The night began with a sasquatch and ended, some time later, with a giant squid terrorizing boats and, somehow, also land. 

Outside his room, his birthday would be perfectly predictable. At the first signs of stirring from Kei’s room, his mom would make him pancakes with strawberries on top. He and Tadashi would eat their weight in those pancakes before playing games or watching more movies. They might venture outdoors for a while, but Saturday practice yesterday had been grueling and both of them were nursing sore muscles. At some point, Akiteru would stop by and Kei would open a card from his father. 

And so the day went. The routine felt divine.

“Is it tough, balancing grad school and work?” Tadashi asked, carefully picking out his favorite vegetables from the large nabe pot simmering gently on the table in the middle of the four of them.

“And don’t forget the volleyball team he plays with, too!” His mom added.

Akiteru laughed. “That’s why I’m always here freeloading food! I don’t have time to cook!”

“Always welcome here. I’m always happy to feed my boys. You’re both still too skinny. So are you, Tadashi-kun. Just three bags of bones.” 

“Strong enough to block either of you with this bag of bones.” Kei smirked. 

In this moment, with his mother fussing over them, with Tadashi and his brother talking because they’d known each other forever, too, he was content. This was easy. This was happy. 

With dinner and desert heavy in their stomachs, and Tadashi back at home getting ready for school the next day, Kei found himself sitting outside with Akiteru in their tiny backyard on their hint of a back porch. The nights had been growing steadily cooler the past few days and both brothers were wearing jackets from their teams. Kei donned his Karasuno black and Akiteru zipped up his navy blue homemade jacket from his local team. 

“You’re nearly to your third year. You ready?” Akiteru broke the silence after several minutes. 

Kei shrugged. “More of the same.”

“Not really. I felt like I blinked and my third year flew by. Then I was shoved head first into college.”

“Yea, but you were always home.” He mocked. “Kind of like now.”

“Fair. But why do you think that was? I wanted, like, real food and to see my old friends. It got better, though.” He paused. “Where are you thinking about going?”

“Got a couple of schools in Tokyo. One in Sendai. One in Nagoya.”

“You’d go that far?”

Kei folded in his knees and propped his head up on his legs, his chin resting on his kneecaps. “I guess.”

“I don’t know why I’m surprised. If either of us were going to jump ship, my vote would be for you. What about Tadashi-kun?”

“One in Tokyo, most here in Miyagi.” 

Akiteru gave a understanding hum. “And dare I ask about your other… friend in Tokyo?”

Kei groaned into his knees.

“That great, huh? Well, you tried? One down, many more to go.”

“Two down.”

“What?” His big brother sputtered. 

“Two down.” Kei repeated. “I’ve had two failures.”

“When did -- someone here?” Kei nodded and Akiteru continued. “I want to say ‘way to go,’ but you describe them as failures, so-” He laughed. “The Tsukishima boys: we can catch ‘em, but we can’t keep ‘em.”

Kei spit out a laugh of his own and changed the subject. “You coming to the playoffs in October?”

“Last year I came even though you told me not to, so yes. Ooh,” he added excitedly, “if that’s an invite it means I’m not just showing up, there’s going to be a sign involved.”

“Nope. You can’t come anymore.”

“Public event. I’m so there. And I will make sure everyone knows that I’m your proud big brother.” 

Kei punched him in the arm. 

***  
10:22  
Kuroo>> I know we aren’t talking  
Kuroo>> but happy birthday

***  
With the Spring High Representative Playoffs only about a month away, volleyball took over once again. The amount of practice matches they could play increased dramatically after last season. Everyone wanted to take a crack a Karasuno, the team who managed to take out Shiratorizawa and go to Nationals. 

The problem was, they weren’t the same team. Sawamura had been the backbone of the team. Ennoshita didn’t have the same presence, nor did he have the same receiving capabilities. Luckily, both Nishinoya and Tanaka had stepped up this year. Both maintained their exuberance, but Noya was an excellent vice captain and was taking the role seriously. Tanaka, too, took on a more serious role around the first years and he didn’t get as riled up by other players. Oh, it still happened, but the number of times they had to hold him back had decreased. Kageyama and Hinata were still exactly who they were first year, only terrifyingly more precise. 

Even though they beat Shiratorizawa last season, Kei reasoned, it hadn’t been an easy game. So it made sense that this year wasn’t simple either. And at some point Kei realized that, unlike the start of last year, he was determined to win even if it wasn’t easy. He was willing to put in the time it took to learn to connect as a team.

And if practices served as his daily “away” time, then games were the best chance he had to go “away” from everything else and focus on winning. No matter what happened at school, at home, or in a stupid text, he could get away when he was on the court. 

“Yes!” Tadashi yelled into the night air, his bag slung over his shoulders and his brow still sweating. “It’s so good to be more of a regular now. I’m coming for your spot, Tsukki.”

Kei clicked his tongue. 

Tadashi laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. Pinch server? Such a glamorous position, but I’m going to be out there with you more this year.”

“You already are.”

“Yeah.” Tadashi agreed. “Hey Tsukki.”

“Hm?”

“Who do you think will be captain next year?”

Kei shrugged. “Kageyama?”

Tadashi spit. “Are you kidding me? Can you see it?” He mimicked Kageyama’s voice. “Um, team, you all did… fine. Here is a list of all of your faults to go over. Don’t talk while I speak or I will eat your families. But remember… you all are… fine.” He returned to his normal voice. “Yea right.”

“Hinata, then?”

“I guess. What about you?”

Now that was funny. “Do you think my speech would be any different than the one you just made up for Kageyama?”

“True. Though, you would say less. You’d make your stare do all the talking.” 

“You could do it.” Kei was serious. 

“No way, my personality doesn’t fit.”

“Neither did Ennoshita’s. Not right away. But hey, You managed to motivate me. If you could do that, then…”

Tadashi had a far-off look in his eyes. “You really think so?”

And Kei wanted to say so much then. He wanted to talk about how if Tadashi could be by his side this many years and help him grow and change then he could easily take on being the team captain. He wanted to tell his friend that he had so many more positive qualities and abilities then he ever gave himself credit for. He wanted to find a way to thank him for everything and then some. What he did say was, “I do. You’d be great.”

***  
8:32  
Kuroo>> I’m coming up with Suga to go to the playoffs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another 2 week chapter! I really wanted to get this up last weekend, but I did not like the draft I had so I let it stew for another week while I revised fruiously. 
> 
> I expect things to wrap up in Ch 5, but I've extended it to 6 chapters because I have an idea for an epilogue now, too. 
> 
> As always, comments are the business, subscriptions are fab, and kudos are delicious. 
> 
> [Talk to me on tumblr!](http://melliejellie.tumblr.com) I'm melliejellie there, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The October playoffs arrive. Two stubborn boys admit their faults. Fluff rises like a phoenix from the ashes.

October showed up far too quickly. The past few practices games had their ups and downs. They beat a handful of local schools, but lost to Aoba Johsai. If Kei was sure they could repeat history, then losing and coming back to win would be in the bag, but he wasn’t sure. It was odd playing an Aoba Johsai without the Grand King Oikawa at the helm, but Yahaba proved to be a great captain, too. Kindaichi had improved considerably from last year and Kyotani was even more of a nightmare, albeit one more carefully wielded by Yahaba and his team. Regardless, Karasuno was going in to the playoffs ready.

“--and then I’m gonna be like BWAAAH and Tanaka-senpai will be like BOOOOM.” Kei side-eyed Tanaka and Hinata jumping like starfish in the lobby of the Miyagi Prefectural gym. It was only a matter of time until - and there it was. Noya tackled both of them. 

“We really need to stop being the rowdiest team here.” Kei glanced over his shoulder to see who was talking.

“Sugawara-san!” Hinata yelled. “And Daichi-san!” He leapt over and peppered them with questions without giving either of them a chance to answer. 

It wasn’t just Hinata, though. Seeing both of them had injected an extra dose of encouragement to everyone. Daichi came by practice matches when he could, since his college was only about thirty minutes away, but Suga was a rare sight. The tension that had kept (most of) them quiet and reserved as they walked in was put at ease. 

“Asahi will be here in a bit, too. He had to work this morning.” Daichi added.

“And Shimizu-san will be here, too!” 

_Kuroo >> I’m coming up with Suga to go to the playoffs_

Kei cast a glance around the whole lobby. Kuroo wasn’t anywhere. 

Ever the mother hen, Suga ushered them towards the gym, focusing the attention back on Ennoshita. “We’ll be cheering from the stands! Now go win!” 

Turning to leave from the back of the pack, Suga gave Kei a wink and a hard slap on the back. 

It wasn’t until they were warming up for their first set that Kei saw him. To the side of the now formidably sized Karasuno cheering section was a collection of Karasuno’s past: members of the neighborhood association, all four of last year’s seniors, and Akiteru. True to his word, Akiteru had made an embarrassing banner. The words were innocuous enough, “Karasuno FIGHT!,” but around them were crudely drawn caricatures of the six starters and one energetic libero. Suga held up one corner, Akiteru held up the middle, and next to Akiteru was Kuroo, holding up the end. He and Akiteru were both laughing. 

A ball smacked Kei square in the back. He turned to stare daggers at his assailant only to see Hinata already apologizing profusely while Tanaka and Noya doubled over crying tears of laughter. 

Kei clicked his tongue and went back to warming up, casting a side glance back up the stands where one set of eyes beneath a nest of messy black hair were looking right at him. He tossed a ball in the air and hit it as hard as he could. 

The first game went by in a flash. They won easily. Kei wasn’t used to being the ones to beat. Shiratorizawa had already clenched another guaranteed spot and wouldn’t play until tomorrow, but hearing Karasuno mentioned along with the likes of Aoba Johsai and the newly-reinforced Dateko was odd and excellent at the same time. 

Their friends mobbed them in the hallway after their first win. Since he wasn’t there to bother earlier, Asahi received the most attention. Kiyoko immediately found Yachi to ask her how the boys were really doing. And Akiteru barrelled into Kei, ignoring all necessary rules of personal space. Kei shouldered his way out of an awkward hug.

“You’re even better than last year, Kei-kun! And I took a hundred photos for mom this year. Stop looking that, I get to do this.” He clapped him on the shoulder. “Like, two, maybe three, times a year I get to do this.” 

Kei let him chatter on. First because it didn’t hurt to hear out loud the things you know you did well. Second because off to the side, far beyond the group, was Kuroo, propped against the wall like he was waiting for a bus. 

Was his still angry? No, not really. Annoyed? A little. Kei searched his feelings for the right words. He came up short. He could only think of actions. In that moment, what he wanted to do was slap Kuroo in the face, kiss him hard, and then just listen to him talk. He hated how much he missed that voice. 

As Akiteru left to call their mother, Kei made his way over. As he passed, Suga winked at him again and elbowed him gently. How much did he--? “Trying to look cool, Kuroo-san?”

“A little. Is it working?” That million dollar grin, but something else was behind it, too. 

“Not at all.” There was still a few feet between them. “You sure came a long way for some high school volleyball.”

“Because that’s what friends do, Tsukki.” There was something about the chipper way he said it, like the last few months hadn’t happened. He stood up straight, taking his back off the wall. 

Maybe it was the endorphin release from playing. Maybe it was seeing that dumb face in person. Maybe he just wanted to, but Kei played along. “Friends spend a lot of money on train tickets?”

“Friends plan out a travel route so insane that the map I colored on looks like I’m plotting several murders. Then I asked Suga if I stay with his family the night before the game, so I could travel for almost a whole day, take as many local trains between home and here as possible, and minimize my shinkansen rides to only what was necessary. Friends see an awful lot of the countryside to come watch some high school volleyball.” 

Kei searched for a remark but nothing surfaced. 

“I played a lot of Monster Hunter on Kenma’s old PSP, one with a broken screen, so I actually didn’t see that much of the sights, to be honest. But I’m pretty sure I caught every virus being passed around Japan right now.”

Was he rambling? What should he say? ‘I’m glad you came’ wasn’t sincere. In fact, he was surprised it hadn’t thrown him off more during his first game. This whole situation had already distracted him from so much else. He couldn’t say ‘it’s nice you’re here’ without knowing Kuroo’s motives, could he? But he couldn’t deny one thing. “It’s good to see you.”

It was true. Even if it stung more than he’d like it to, even if he felt exasperated with the whole ordeal, seeing Kuroo in person was good, simply, good. 

Kuroo stuttered. “It’s, it’s good to see you, too.”

“Is that Nekoma’s capt -- ex-captain?! Why is he here? Where did --” Hinata’s voice carried across the crowd in the hallway. Suga quickly pulled him in to a conversation, but several sets of eyes darted in his direction before covertly turning back. 

They stood there silent for a few moments, but it felt like ages. Neither really looking at the other. Kei tried to dig up his earlier malice, but found none. He felt guilty. He felt mean. He felt hurt. He felt lonely. 

“Kuroo, I--” His voice came out so much gentler than he wanted it to.

“Friends don’t bug friends before a big match, right? Go be with your team. That’s the focus of today.” Kuroo said light-heartedly. “Keep playing well!”

“Better than you?” Kei recovered his smirk. 

“We’ll have to see about that.”

By the end of the day, Kei was exhausted. They had won all three matches today, but the third one had been grueling, partly because both teams were already tired, and partly because they played three sets and two of them were settled with deuces. Tomorrow would be even tougher. 

As he dragged his body onto the bus, he watched Akiteru walk out to the parking lot with Daichi, Suga, and Kuroo. What exactly had they talked about all day? And, oh god, did Akiteru offer to drive them all home? Boundaries were crumbling. Akiteru had no filter. 

Tadashi, literally, pushed his butt on the bus, whining about wanting to sit down “right now.”

Kei finally got home, after driving, after meeting at Karasuno, after walking home with Tadashi, ready to shower, shove some food in his face, and fall into his bed. 

Akiteru was in the living room, scrolling through something on his phone while the TV played the news in the background. 

“Did you drive everyone home?”

“I offered, the nice thing to do. It was a good drive back.”

“What did you--”

“Kei!” His mother cut him off. “I’m sorry I was getting ready for bed when I heard you come in. I watched everything, everything I could while I was nannying today. Those two girls now know all the names of your volleyball friends, at least the ones I could remember, and they thought you looked so cool.” She took a breath and hugged him hard around the middle. “You did so well.” She muffled into his chest before standing back to give Kei his space back again. 

“I need to-”

“Yes, shower, shower. You smell pretty awful.” She laughed her small laugh. 

“Thanks, mom.”

Kei was ready to walk into the bathroom when Akiteru said behind him, “Kuroo asked me to have you text him when you got home. If you wanted to.”

He was almost tired enough to not overthink that, but such is the curse of a clever mind, he mused. March seemed like it was years ago. Back then he was buying a planner for Kuroo and feeling all flustered when he talked about him like more than a friend. They talked everyday and it was easy, well, easier than now. Today he had to choose everything he said so carefully and none of it happened naturally. He had to push out every word and, why? Was he still mad at Kuroo? Those negative feelings were still there, but they didn’t have a simple name, and they were buried under over two months of “moving on.” 

He dug through his mind like he was digging through sand with his hands. He was mad because he wanted what Sawamura and Sugawara had and Kuroo didn’t want that. Kuroo said he would try, but he also said he wanted to “have fun” in college, and Kei didn’t want to be on the receiving end of someone giving some half-hearted effort. He was mad because every time he saw Kuroo he wanted to be as close to him as possible and that heat had shoved them together in a way that might have made it harder for anything real to grow. 

_“Because that’s what friends do, Tsukki.”_

They had stopped being friends, and they weren’t boyfriends either. Sometime, no not sometime, this summer things had fallen apart. Kei was frustrated with Kuroo. He was mad at himself. 

And he was tired.

That night, fighting to keep his eyes open, he texted Kuroo.

21:58  
Kei>> home safe. ready to sleep forever.

22:02  
Kuroo>> good night, Tsukki. See you tomorrow. 

***  
Kei blinked and the next day was done. The first day he still had the energy to feel jittery and to second-guess his ideas. By day two, though, Kei was reduced to his instincts. Block. Connect. Calculate. Time everything perfectly. Analyze weaknesses. Repeat. They barely had any time between matches and when they did, it was spent wrapping fingers and treating injuries to prep for the next game. That didn’t leave much time for idle hallway chit chat. But, when he needed to, he could glance at Tadashi and feel determined, or look up in the stands and feel encouraged. 

They won. Barely in the last match of the day. Tomorrow they’d play Shiratorizawa. Again. Reality wasn’t that creative. Apparently, a school like Shiratorizawa could lose an Ushijima, but rope in a bunch of amazing first years from around the prefecture and whip the rest of them into top shape in no time at all. 

Kei’s legs felt like they were full of concrete as he walked home with Tadashi. The only thing that kept him going was the thought of more food, a hot shower, and his soft sheets. 

But Kuroo was sitting in his doorway. 

Kei froze at his front gate, letting it slam behind him. 

Kuroo jumped up, nearly dropping his phone. “I didn’t get to talk to you at all today, so I--”

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Kuroo replied softly. “Look, I have to go back tomorrow, so I’ll miss tomorrow’s game, but I’m,” he paused, “I’m really glad I came to see you play.”

“So why are you here at my house?” Kei couldn’t reach his normal levels of snark, but he tried. He dropped his bag at his feet and just sighed. “You know, this is a little much. I’m glad you came but I want to be home. And, I think I’m still mad, or frustrated, or something.” Kei couldn’t tell if it was because he was tired or because things were still weird, but everything he said was slow and had whole canyons of time between phrases. 

“I am, too.”

“But now? Right now I am tired.”

And then Kuroo laughed. Not a “fill the silent moments” laugh, but an honest, soft laugh. “You look like death.”

“I smell like death.” He kicked his bag closer to the door and sat down on his front steps. 

“I bet you don’t.” Kuroo joined him, keeping a fair amount of space between them. 

“Everything aside, it was thoughtful of you to come. I presume you skipped some classes and I know you spent money to make this happen.”

“Skipping classes is no big deal, and what else should I spend my exorbitant tip money on besides trips to Miyagi?”

Kei pulled his knees up to his chin and rested on his knees. 

“I know you’re tired, but I wanted to tell you, in person, why I came.”

Kei could feel Kuroo’s eyes on him, but he kept his gaze forward, looking out into the street beyond his front gate.

“I came because I missed my friend.” He sighed. “You know, I had all day on the train to plan out what I was going to say in this moment, but the only parts I can remember are not right. They’re more of the same crap I’m trying not to do anymore. You see, this is going to shock you, but it’s been pointed out to me that when things get serious I like to flirt or make unimportant remarks instead.” 

Kei made a sound to show he was listening but kept staring ahead.

“Ten questions.”

“What?”

“Before - you got to ask me some and I got to ask you five? So now, I want ten questions.”

Kei turned his face, going back to resting on his knees, weariness apparent in his face. He nodded. “A piece?”

“That could take a while, five for each of us? Better yet, yes or no answers only. Saves time, no room for ambiguity. No elaboration until later. The rules are set. Still down?”

“You first this time.”

“Are you still angry?” 

“Yes.”

“Was I selfish?”

Kei bristled at the sincerity. “Yes, b-.” He stopped himself. 

“If I didn’t come today, would you have spoken to me again?”

“No.” That was the truth. It stung to have his faults laid bare by another person.

“Did you feel used?” 

Kei had to pause at this one. “No?” Not used, but -

“Can we be friends again?”

Kei chewed on his answer, letting it swim around in his mind. He couldn’t explain himself like he wanted to, but he knew his answer. “No.”

“No?” Kuroo sat up straight and Kei heard him turn to face him. His voice sounded small, too unlike the usually bold man sitting next to him. 

“You’ve had five. My turn. Do you know why we can’t be friends?” 

“No.”

“Do you remember talking at the river the last time you were here?”

“Yes…” Clearly Kuroo had not expected the conversation to take this turn.

“And what happened the last time we were in this doorway?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want all of that, too?”

Kuroo seemed to hang everything on that last word. “Yes.”

“Now do you get why we can’t be friends?”

“Yes.” Kuroo closed the gap between them, settling in to Kei’s side, letting their knees and shoulders touch. Kei sighed into the contact, closing the space a little more. 

“I’m just kind of an asshole, Tsukki.” 

“I’ve noticed.” The corner of Kei’s mouth turned upwards. “I am, too.”

“I thought… I thought I could keep you in some sort of box where, like, we could be friends, we could make out, and then I could still have this separate life without you in it.” He paused. “But it sucks. And that wasn’t fair. When you cut me out I was hurt but now I kind of get it.”

Kei wasn’t used to admitting fault. If he did, he did it in a roundabout way that only Tadashi and his family could understand. He took a deep breath and tried to be direct. “I could have made fewer assumptions and I could have talked to you. Instead I blamed you for decisions I’d made.” Kei groaned. “I hate conversations like this. If you get it and I get it, then is it done?”

“We’ll have to work on that. Not really talking is about 90% of our problem.” Kuroo stood up in front of Kei and caught his gaze. “Now can I tell you the end of what I practiced on the train?”

Kei nodded lazily.

“I’m going to romance you, Tsukishima Kei. I will take you on dates and bring you flowers and write you sappy notes when I can. When I can’t, I will text you all the time and ask for our bedtime video chats back. We will talk, really talk, and I will go slowly because this one counts. Only when things feel right again will I consume you like so much of me wants to do everytime I see you.” He smirked, pleased with himself, and sat back down.

Kei wanted to take the opening to make some kind of remark, but he held it back. “I can live with that.” He knew he should say more, but this is who he was. Kuroo knew that already. 

“Perfect. Now go eat.”

Kei made no move to get up. “Kuroo-san?”

“Hm?”

“You want to _consume_ me?”

“I stand by the word choice.” And with that moment of levity, Kuroo leaned in for one soft kiss, just warmth and connection. 

***  
Kuroo>> ugggggggggggggggggggh  
Kuroo>> french is terrible  
Kuroo>> my mouth doesn’t make these sounds  
Kuroo>> I should have stuck with english  
Kuroo>> how can -aient not have, like, any of the consonant sounds????  
Kuroo>> my tongue can’t make those shapes

Kei>> we could meet against a wall again and try to make those sounds there

Kuroo>> nope, keeping it G rated  
Kuroo>> I’m your goddamned disney prince right now  
Kuroo>> ~*romance*~

***  
Kei asked about Kuroo’s, well, romantic past in a moment of weakness. In a moment of doubt and inexperience, he wanted to be able to know what he was up against, so to speak. 

“So, how honest do you want me to be?” Kuroo asked. “Do you want a number?” He was peering into his screen pensively, taking it way too seriously. 

“Forget I asked.”

“No, no clearly you asked for a reason. I haven’t really dated anyone, so I can’t count significant others, but I could count… other things.” Kuroo held up his fingers as if to start keeping track.

Kei grumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. “Really, it’s fine. Forget I asked.”

“Like, what’s it for you?”

“Two, idiot.” Kei spat. “One and half if we talk about ‘contact.’” 

“What is the half?” Kuroo’s voice was level, but the corners of his mouth were creeping upwards.

“Don’t want to talk about it.”

“Am I the ‘one’ in that ‘one and a half?’”

Kei clicked his tongue.

“Well that’s good. I didn’t want to be the ‘half.’ How can you have a ‘half?’”

“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it. It only happened because nothing was happening with you so I went out with someone else.” The words tumbled out before Kei could grab them.

Kuroo took a moment to respond, sitting back from the camera. “Sorry I pried.”

Kei could kick himself. This scene happened more than he’d like to admit. Kuroo was happy to move forward and let them go, but when Kei felt backed against a wall or uncomfortable, these barbs would fly out of his mouth. The whole situation was so much better now, despite the distance, but pieces of him refused to stop trying to keep Kuroo at arm’s length. He scrunched up his face and let it go. “He missed.”

“What?”

“That guy, he tried to kiss me and I ducked out of the way.”

“Oh that’s terrible! He must have felt so bad.” Kuroo rested his head on one hand. “But to me it’s cute. Couldn’t do it, huh?”

“How do you forgive me so fast?”

Kuroo smiled softly. “Because I see you trying. If you kept saying things like that without remorse, we’d have a problem. But you’re starting to catch it, and you try.” He shrugged gently. “I won’t say I forgive it right away, but it makes it easier to do it later.”

Most people either walked away or confronted him when he was provoking on purpose. Very few people were able to see through the layers and try to see what was underneath. It was easy for Kei to tell himself he didn’t care. It was tougher to actually believe that. It felt good to know there was now one more person, a total of four, who Kei knew would make the effort. In return, he now had four people he tried to be less overtly awful to. 

“Eight-ish.” Kuroo said. “That’s my number.”

“Do I want to know why there is an -ish?”

“Probably not. I told you I was an asshole, right? I got really good at,” he paused, “enjoying myself and then going away, unless I wanted to enjoy myself again. I am not proud of it.”

“Done now, right?”

“Done.” He said solemnly, looking at Kei through his camera. “You’re not disposable. The other people probably weren’t either, and I should have been kinder, but definitely, you are not.”

***  
“...and then I stayed late for some extra practice. And then I went to the dining hall. And then I sat in the library and got very little done. And now I’m here. Tsukki? Tsukki?”

“Hm?” Kei replied groggily. His phone was resting on the side of his face that wasn’t currently sinking deeper into his pillow. “Your story put me to sleep.” He mumbled.

“I wanted to tell you every part of my day! Alright, switch to video so I can let you go to bed.”

“Nnn- this is good.”

Kuroo whined. “We can’t break the streak now.”

“I like this, too. Your voice is closer.”

“I like sleepy Tsukki. He says very nice things without knowing it.” Kuroo waited a moment. “Tsukki? Did you fall asleep already?”

***  
The envelope arrived in November, plain and unassuming like nothing potentially life-changing was inside. Kei recognized the crest of one of the schools he was considering and carefully opened it at the kitchen table. He was glad there was a seat because his legs suddenly felt weak.

Kei was a final candidate for a full-ride scholarship as as part of a fellowship program in the engineering department. He needed to submit two more letters of recommendation, a portfolio with any relevant work, another essay, and he would have to come to Tokyo in January for an interview. 

He slipped all the papers back inside, running his fingers along the creases to close it again, repeating the motion far more than was necessary. 

17:21  
Kei>> you home yet?  
Tadashi>> not yet, errands, almost back  
Tadashi>> why, what’s up?  
Kei>> nothing, just text me when you’re home. Good stuff, don’t worry  
Tadashi>> ( ´ ∀ ` )ﾉ

17:24  
Kei>> you out of class?  
Kuroo>> yep, out early! Used the if the professor isn’t there in 10min, I’m out rule  
Kei>> you know you technically pay for every class  
Kei>> it’s like you’re losing money  
Kuroo>> but gaining tiiiiiiiiiiime  
Kuroo>> plus it’s so nice out. Crisp and the leaves are beautiful  
Kuroo>> I’ll send you a poem later  
Kei>> don’t  
Kuroo>> compare you to a ginko leaf  
Kei>> no  
Kuroo>> golden and ephemeral  
Kei>> stop  
Kuroo>> and getting crushed under everyone’s feet  
Kei>> better  
Kei>> got a letter from a college today  
Kuroo>> oh yea?  
Kei>> one in Tokyo with an engineering fellowship - I got to the next step in the application  
Kei>> have a lot to do right now, but I have an interview in January  
Kuroo>> oh that’s amazing  
Kuroo>> (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ  
Kuroo>> see, so smart! Is it a full-ride?  
Kuroo>> WAIT you’ll be here in January!?!!!  
Kei>> yes and yes  
Kuroo>> I WILL TAKE YOU ON A DATE  
Kei>> don’t you have to ask first?

17:28  
Tadashi>> good stuff?  
Kei>> yea, got to the next step in that engineering fellowship I was applying for  
Tadashi>> YES!  
Tadashi>> what do you have to do now?  
Kei>> more rec letters, put together work I’ve done, an interview in Jan  
Tadashi>> you’ll crush that, too

17:28  
Kuroo>> Tsukishima Kei  
Kuroo>> will you go on a date with me?  
Kuroo>> I will take you to a nice dinner  
Kuroo>> at a place where I DO NOT work  
Kuroo>> Tsukiiiiiii where’d you go?  
Kei>> sorry, talking to Tadashi, too  
Kuroo>> in the middle of me asking you out on our first date?  
Kei>> I thought your visit here was our first date  
Kuroo>> you count that? awwww but I didn’t even get to ask you properly

17:30  
Tadashi>> you nervous?  
Kei>> yes  
Kei>> getting a full-ride would take a lot of pressure off me and my family  
Kei>> and so far it’s the only one I’ve heard back from  
Tadashi>> it’s still SO early  
Tadashi>> only the major scholarships that need something from you in your 3rd year are getting back to people now

17:31  
Kei>> certainly ended like a date  
Kei>> did we have a date in the hallway?  
Kuroo>> NO now you are just messing with me  
Kei>> late night in the park  
Kuroo>> this is why you need romance

17:32  
Tadashi>> does that put Tokyo above Nagoya now?  
Tadashi>> I know you liked that other program

Kei grumbled. Two conversations at once was annoying. He turned the vibration off on his phone to stop it from going off in his hand every two seconds. 

17:32  
Kei>> I mean, I’m not disregarding Nagoya as an option  
Kei>> still a really good program  
Kuroo>> what?

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. Wrong chat window.

Kuroo>> you’re looking at schools in Nagoya?  
Kei>> just one  
Kei>> most are in Tokyo, a few here, Nagoya

17:33  
Kei>> Nagoya is still in the running, still like the program  
Tadashi>> yea, and it’s still early!  
Kei>> hang on, Kuroo’s calling

“Hey.” Kei answered.

“It would absolutely suck if you were that far away.” Kuroo was using his flat tone, the one where he speaks through a stiff grin.

Kei didn’t have a good response. “It would.”

“I guess I never did ask which schools exactly you were looking at. I didn’t start my own research as early as you did. I mean, I kind of just waited to see who might notice me for volleyball.”

Skirting around the real topic, Kei explained. “Some of the schools have scholarship programs that you have to start earlier. Then, pending your entrance exam results, you can receive the funds and whatever other benefits there are.”

“Yea, no, that makes sense.” Kuroo laughed, low and quiet. “It’s stupid, but I’ve been assuming you’d end up either in Miyagi or maybe here and things would, I don’t know, either stay the same or get a whole lot better.”

“Mmm,” Kei acknowledged, “I made most of these choices a while ago, before -”

“Of course! And I don’t want you to make sweeping changes or anything. You got good things going!”

It was like Kei could hear Kuroo’s wheels spinning. Of course Kei wouldn’t change anything about his future plans, especially not for something so new that, really, had been an on and off disaster. Still, whatever this was, if this distance problem was removed… “I mean, maybe. And either way, I’ll see you soon, in January.”

“Soon is so relative with us, isn’t it? Two months! So soon!” 

“It’s nine weeks.”

“That means,” some of the lightheartedness returned, “I have nine weeks to plan a spectacular date!”

“Please don’t put that much into it.”

“I use the word spectacular, but you’re going to have to lower your expectations a lot.”

“Perfect.” Something still rattled around in Kei’s brain. “And Kuroo, nothing is set for the future.”

“I know.” Kuroo’s tone sounded less cheerful again and Kei realized that his last phrase could be taken in so many different ways. 

“I meant, I don’t know where I’ll end up! Things are still open. And probably good.” He tried to recover.

“Of course, Tsukki. So,” He cleared his throat. “Officially now, Tsukishima Kei, will you go on a date with me?”

“Yes.”

“In nine weeks. I’m counting down.” Kei could hear his smile in his voice again.

“Only nine weeks. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

17:42  
Kei>> ugh, just had to talk about where I might go to school  
Kei>> because I accidentally sent a message about Nagoya to him instead of you

Tadashi>> oof, and he was…

Kei>> sad? disappointed?  
Kei>> I didn’t have anyone else to think about when I applied to these things  
Kei>> and I still don’t - changing my plans for Kuroo would be insane

Tadashi>> but if you did end up in Tokyo?

Kei>> I don’t know, figure it out then?

Tadashi>> but you’d like that?

Kei>> probably

Tadashi>> well, worry makes you suffer twice, so it’s all fine now

Kei>> yea

Tadashi>> I got a letter today too but it was (╯︵╰,)  
Tadashi>> the program Suga is in? No next round for me  
Tadashi>> it’s no wonder he wasn’t as stressed out about uni last year  
Tadashi>> getting into that would make things soooo much clearer, nothing up in the air

Kei>> you just told me it’s still early

Tadashi>> yea, that’s what my mom said, so I’m saying it over and over

Kei>> no one’s really applied to anything yet, these are just the big programs that ask for things this soon  
Kei>> there’s so much left  
Kei>> literally every other place is left

Tadashi>> I know, I know

Kei>> you’ll be fine  
Kei>> great

Tadashi>> thanks  
Tadashi>> see, you’re so nice

Kei>> don’t tell anyone

Tadashi>> they already knoooooooow  
Tadashi>> the team loves you  
Tadashi>> you show them your kindness when you say rude crap to get them to play better  
Tadashi>> o(≧▽≦)o  
Tadashi>> anyway, thanks, I’ll borrow some of your academic determination and rationality

Kei>> welcome

Tadashi>> you ever wonder what it’d be like if you applied some of that gumption to other things?

Kei>> ?

Tadashi>> like, what if how you are for school, and now volleyball  
Tadashi>> what if that energy and confidence went into other things?  
Tadashi>> you’d be a force to be reckoned with

Kei>> then thank goodness for my awkwardness  
Kei>> keeping me humble

Tadashi>> HA never a word I’d use for you  
Tadashi>> but yea, just something to mull over I guess

Kei>> what?

Tadashi>> maybe just realizing you’re not as awkward or awful with others as you think  
Tadashi>> people like yooooooooou  
Tadashi>> anyway gonna go help with dinner

Kei>> later

***  
Kuroo was in his regular spot, reclined on his little couch, feet probably dangling over the edge, his head resting on a nearly formless grey throw pillow. Kei always wondered how his arms didn’t give out holding this phone up like this for video chats. “When you talk about me, what do you call me?” 

“I call you Kuroo?” Kei responded. “Or idiot. Depends on the day.” Kei’s phone was on his bed, leaning against his bedside table. The lights were out, spare a small reading lamp. 

“But like, to other people?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I call you my boyfriend. Do you call me your boyfriend, too?”

Kei is startled to realize he hadn’t heard that exact word from Kuroo yet. What does he call him? He sorted through conversations in his brain. “I only talk to Tadashi, he knows who you are. I just say your name.”

Kuroo half-laughed, half-whined. “You know what I’m asking! Be cute about it.”

Kei frowned, but he didn’t mean it. “I don’t use that word.”

“Yet?”

“Yet.”

“Would you like to, boyfriend?” Kei could not understand how Kuroo, a human, could purr.

Kei shoved his face deeper into his pillow, covering half his face. “Yes.” The sound is muffled, but Kuroo could catch the upturn of the corner of his mouth in the camera.

***  
Kei’s whole family sat in the living room, even his Dad was home for the New Year. Things weren’t weird when he was home, after all, they were used to this pattern now, but Kei did feel like he had to be on his best behavior when his dad was around. He’d sit up straighter, he wouldn’t walk around the house with his headphones on, and he definitely did not punch Akiteru. 

He also didn’t constantly have his phone out, like he usually did. He could feel the vibrations in his back pocket, but his parents were too invested in the dumb new year’s eve sketch comedy on TV right now to notice. Kei figured he’d copy Akiteru and start finding reasons to leave the room and covertly text friends. 

Kei>> it’s only been an hour, how have you texted me 28 times?  
Kei>> most of this is just emoji

Kuroo>> I have an ideaaaaaaaa  
Kuroo>> so we’re both with family, which okay is nice and all, but I want to start the new year with you

Kuroo had been on break with his dad for several days now. It wasn’t until a few days ago that Kei had learned much about Kuroo’s family. If Kei was overtly adverse to talking about anything deep, then Kuroo had an almost supernatural power to charm you into not realizing that he hadn’t given away many of the things he held close to his heart. 

Kuroo’s immediate family was just him and his dad. His mom had passed away when he was quite young. When he brought her up, Kei still had to figure the urge to say something canned and sympathetic. But it was getting easier. First because it felt good to know more about him and second because Kuroo talked about her not being there like someone saying “it’s pretty cold today” and Kei didn’t pry deeper. The other day Kuroo had ran a bunch of errands for his dad, and when he told Kei about it he casually mentioned buying mochi to put in the family altar for his mom before going back to talking about half-priced supermarket sushi. Kuroo was letting out deeper details every few days and Kei relished them.

Kei>> what’s this grand idea

Kuroo>> at midnight we go outside

Kei>> it’s SNOWING here

Kuroo>> no no no listen, this is good  
Kuroo>> we go outside right before midnight  
Kuroo>> and look at the moon at the same time and make a wish 

Kei>> my parents are going to wonder why I’m being weird

Kuroo>> no they won’t, they raised you, they have to know you’re weird

Kei>> fine  
Kei>> I like it

Kuroo>> yesssss  
Kuroo>> I’ll call you at 11:58

A minute early, Kei had already thrown on an extra hoodie and a hat. He chose not to put on his jacket to avoid the extra attention, but he pretty much should have. The second he cracked open the back door, everyone on the couch snapped their heads in his direction. 

“Just getting some air.” Obviously not. What a dumb thing to say. Akiteru grinned like a moron, catching sight of Kei’s phone, ready in his hand. 

“Talk to you next year, Kei!” Akiteru shouted as Kei closed the door behind him. 

“Hey.” Kei picked up his phone as soon as the call came. He wished he had put on gloves.

“Happy almost new year, boyfriend.” Kuroo had been using that word about a thousand times a day now. It wasn’t bedtime chat, it was boyfriend bedtime chat. It wasn’t lunch texting, it was lunch with boyfriend texting. It wasn’t a bad grade, it was I’m thinking too much about my boyfriend to do well in statistics. Kuroo didn’t do anything halfway, but he did do everything in the most annoying way possible and Kei enjoyed occasionally giving in to feeling like a happy, dumb boyfriend.

“It’s freezing here. I have to get away from the door so they don’t hear me, but when I do I am actually getting snow in my eyes.” He looked up. “I can’t even really see the moon.”

“Aww, it’s fine! It’s only a couple of minutes. Find the glow in the clouds. That’s the moon!”

Kei rolled his eyes, aware that Kuroo couldn’t hear it. “Obviously. One minute to go.”

“Do you like my idea?”

“I’m outside, aren’t I?”

“I knew you would. Wish ready?”

Kei thought. Only really vague and obvious things came to mind. “I guess.”

“That won’t work. You have to pick something really important. This is your first thought of the new year. It sets everything.”

They fell silent as the last couple seconds of the year passed. Kei settled on an intention for the year. Still vague, but it brought together everything, a blanket wish.

Kei heard the countdown from the TV behind him and Kuroo breathing on the other end of the line. 

At midnight, Kuroo happily sighed, “Happy new year, Kei.”

“Happy new year… Tetsuro.” It was a good time for firsts. 

Kei heard Kuroo sharply breathe in. He felt warm despite the snow gathering on his hoodie. Step one of his wish was already taking shape. It felt weird to be so honest with himself, but that was a big part of the wish, too.

 _This year, I want to be brave._

***  
Kuroo>> only two more weeks  
Kuroo>> what are your feelings on giant balloon animals?

Kei>> ?

Kuroo>> ice sculptures? 

Kei>> like in general…

Kuroo>> confessions in the form of skywriting?

Kei>> oh so we’re doing this again

Kuroo>> it’s our first date

Kei>> why are you planning everything?  
Kei>> makes me nervous

Kuroo>> because you are coming to where I live  
Kuroo>> I know all the places, and you  
Kuroo>> you are a country bumpkin  
Kuroo>> you would get lost in the big city

Kei>> didn’t you get on the wrong train yesterday?

Kuroo>> wrong. I got on the back end of a train that was getting decoupled and I stayed at the station while the rest of the train went on without me  
Kuroo>> joke’s on you

Kei>> it really isn’t

Kuroo>> TWO WEEKS!

Kei>> two weeks.

***  
Apparently Kei wasn’t the only one hoping to use the trip to Tokyo for more than one purpose. Akiteru had somehow managed to convince their mother that he could go with Kei so that he could meet up with some friends. Yes, he could make sure they got all the right trains. Yes, he would check them both into the hotel. Yes, he would make sure there were no murderers in the room. Yes, he’d make sure Kei wasn’t out late. The list went on, but it worked. Kei had already planned what he would say to his mom if she was the one to go with him, but this was so much easier. 

Even if it was a pain that Akiteru wouldn’t stop talking about Kei’s other plans. His older brother had tiptoed around the topic of Kuroo since October. He’d casually mention how much Kei was texting or pointedly ask him who he was talking to so late at night. He knew, of course he knew. But he threw restraint out the window after the new year call in the snow. Apparently that was his signal that his little brother was no longer “moving forward at a pace that rivaled the excitement of grass growing.” The past three weekends had been filled with questions and innuendo whenever their mother wasn’t around. 

The interview itself went fine. Just fine. Kei felt stiff in his suit. He had only worn it once before at a cousin’s wedding. It felt tight on his arms and he was sure the pant legs were riding up too high when he sat down. He sat up straight and was glad to have his portfolio to hold on to so his hands didn’t tap the arms of the chair as four sets of eyeballs from three stern looking men and one stern looking woman peered at him from their covered table. 

It was moments like these, though, that Kei was glad he had such a cold exterior most of the time. It helped. When they asked about his reasons for being interested in the program, he was ready. When they tried to throw him off by asking what, if anything, his volleyball experience could possibly add to the skills needed for the fellowship, he was able to take a deep breath and deliver his response confidently, at least on the outside. By the end of it, he wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone if it went well or not. He just nodded as they told him he’d find out in March if he was accepted to the program or not. 

18:37  
Kei>> all done!  
Kei>> _image sent_

Kuroo>> are you trying to kill me? I’m dead  
Kuroo>> you in a suit, my god  
Kuroo>> dead dead dead dead dead

Kei>> idiot

Kuroo>> you sent it without me asking  
Kuroo>> you were fishing for that

Kei>> probably  
Kei>> can’t wait to change, though

Kuroo>> nooooooooooooooo  
Kuroo>> except, yea, we aren’t going anywhere suit worthy  
Kuroo>> one day  
Kuroo>> keep the pea coat tho, handsome

Kei>> you’re in luck, it’s the only coat I brought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, that was not the planned ending for Ch 5. I've been writing and revising like a maniac (seriously re-wrote this one piece of dialogue four times) for the past few days and chapter 5 got WAY TOO LONG. I mean, I'm at 9k and I'm still not done including everything that I have in my outline. So, I decided to post this, get it out there, and then keep writing, flowing right into Ch 6 (which will be THE END, PROBABLY, and will more than likely include some epilogue-y bits). 
> 
> I want to get the last chapter out before Jan 3rd when I have to go back to TEACHING CHILDREN HOW TO READ. (Who lets me do that? How is that my job?) So, it's safe to expect it soon. I hope you're all still along for the ride! (More, uh, M and less G in the next bit, by the way, but still fluff. It gives me life.)
> 
> Kudos make me blush. Comments make my heart flutter. Subscriptions and bookmarks make me swoon.
> 
>  
> 
> [Be my tumblr friend!](http://melliejellie.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the end! They are content and together. All is well with the world.

When Kuroo walked up to the hotel in jeans and a puffy black jacket, Kei was already standing outside the hotel’s main entrance. The sun was setting even though it was still fairly early. The wind had picked up earlier, and Kei stuffed another layer under his coat and added a scarf and some gloves before leaving the room. Tokyo wasn’t as cold as Miyagi, but the wind chill between the buildings was something else. 

“I was going to pick you up at your door!” Kuroo walked up to where he was waiting. Kei watched as his breath left in little white puffs. 

“This is a door.” Kei smirked and then swallowed hard. They hadn’t seen each other in person in three months. He forgot what it was like to have all of Kuroo up close. 

“Are you ready to go?” His voice was so clear and so close.

Kei nodded. His eyes were so kind and so close. 

Kuroo pressed his forehead to Kei’s for just a moment and whispered. “It’s so good to see you.” His cheeks were pink from the cold and they were so smooth and so close.

He pulled back and Kei was glad for a chance to breathe. “I have something for you.” In his gloved hand was one, slightly crumpled yellow and magenta pansy. “I don’t know what different flowers mean, but I picked this outside my apartment.” 

He held it out and Kei took it. “Sap.”

“Boyfriend.”

“Where should I put it?”

“Romance!” Was Kuroo’s only response. Kei settled on gently slipping it into his coat pocket, making sure none of it fell apart inside. 

Kuroo told him the place where they were eating was a short subway ride away. Kuroo told Kei every part of his day, a new tradition that he was sticking with, and he listened. This was so much better than a phone call. He could watch all of Kuroo’s animated motions, he could feel heat as Kuroo leaned in to whisper the more secretive bits, and when Kei laughed he could better see the way Kuroo lit up from the sound.

But also it wasn’t better. On the phone Kei was still, in essence, alone. There was comfort, or at least familiarity in that. He wondered how he could be so fantastically unsettled by being able to be around Kuroo in person but at the same time feel that rush of uncertainty and distrust of his own instincts. 

Kei forcefully stopped listening to his own brain and filled Kuroo in on the details of the interview instead. 

When they stopped outside the restaurant, it looked like a hole in the wall. After stepping inside it wasn’t any different. Kei must have had a look on his face because Kuroo interrupted his story to say, “I wanted to take you somewhere I always go. That way, when I tell you where I went that day, you’ll remember! You can, like, ‘see’ me there.” The grin was at full wattage. If Kei had been the type to swoon, he might have. 

Instead, he repeated the apparent keyword for the last few weeks. “Romance?”

“Exactly!” 

They grabbed a booth towards the back and the man behind the prep counter gave Kuroo a wave. The menu was filled with comfort foods. 

“How am I doing so far?” Kuroo asked, grin spreading from ear to ear. 

“Superb.” Kei re-folded the menu and smiled. He dug a little deeper. “Honestly, we could have gone anywhere and my answer would’ve been the same.” He paused, cracking a smile. “So where do you usually sit?”

“Over there at the bar. That way I can talk to Morii-san while he makes my oyakodon. I like the seat at the end because it’s near the ramen broth pots and it smells nice and meaty.” They both laughed. “Plus it’s cheap here so I don’t have to feel bad about not eating gross dining hall food or fending for myself at the grocery store.”

“So I’m a cheap date?”

“Mercifully, yes!” Kuroo kept talking about his usual days here and in the surrounding neighborhood. Apparently, his university wasn’t too far away. As he spoke, Kei soaked in his voice and imagined Kuroo in every place he described, storing it away for the next phone call. 

During dinner, the earlier uncertainty dissipated. It helped that Kuroo ate like a monster. No one could feel self-conscious after watching Kuroo eat, seemingly unburdened with any embarrassment. He still commented on how Kei still refused to finish everything on his plate, but also willingly reached over and finished it for him. 

Kuroo had launched into another volleyball story. “...it was like that one play you guys did against Wakunan on the first day of the playoffs.”

“Why _did_ you come watch me play?” Kei blurted, comfortable enough now to ask a question he had held on to for months. 

He pushed the remaining bits of rice on his plate around with his chopsticks. “I told you, I missed my friend.”

“But there was also…”

“Suga.” 

Kei raised an eyebrow. 

“Suga. He’s the only one of my friends at school that knows both of us. When things went… bad, everyone else pretty much celebrated it as a chance to ‘be free.’ Only Suga noticed how upset I actually was. I chose to go to the playoffs, but it was Suga who encouraged me to do something, anything in the first place.”

He paused, but Kei didn’t have anything to add. All of this wouldn’t have happened if --

“He probably wanted me to do something smaller, start with a call or something, but I don’t do anything halfway. Plus, I thought if I could see you, it would be easier.”

Kei leaned back into the booth. “It was.” 

“When you saw me, what did you think?”

“That it was infuriating that you would just barge into my life again. And how much I missed your face.”

“You missed my face?”

“Quite a bit. It’s an overall inoffensive face.” 

***  
Back out on the street, patting his already full stomach, Kuroo announced, “Desert!”

“Way too full for that.” Kei’s hand found Kuroo’s arm and held on gently.

Kuroo leaned into the touch. “Everyone has two stomachs. One for food and one for desert.” 

Two women walked by and Kei dropped his arm. “If that’s what you had planned, let’s go.”

It felt like Kuroo was studying his reaction. “We don’t have to…”

“We could just walk around for a bit. You could show me more of the places you go to, that way, like you said, I can ‘see’ you at those places when you tell me about them.” Kei smiled and Kuroo momentarily melted.

The two walked the streets of the neighborhood surrounding Kuroo’s university. Kuroo pointed out the park where his team ran laps, the casual Italian restaurant where he worked, the coffee shop where he would wait in between classes instead of going back to his apartment, and a ton of other little spots. More than once their hands touched, even stayed together a few times, but everytime another person would walk by they’d break apart again. 

After a while, Kei voiced a thought that had been nudging him for a while, especially after yet another group of people walked past them. “I’m not asking for the expected reason,” he let out a breath,” but I wouldn’t mind going indoors somewhere without other people. I am tired of other people.”

Kuroo seemed to understand his line of thinking, but still hesitated. “When do you have to get back?”

“Just with enough time so Akiteru and I can tell mom we’re not dead.”

Kei might not have wittingly asked to go back to Kuroo’s apartment for, well, the reason anyone goes back to an apartment, but the moment he stepped inside, his stomach jumped. The whole place smelled like him. He could feel his pulse in his ears as he took of his shoes and coat and walked through the front hallway, past a bathroom and a tiny kitchen. The space opened up and Kei saw Kuroo’s familiar grey couch, his laptop carelessly hanging on to the edge of it, and beyond that was Kuroo’s bedroom, unlit but visible. 

He stood like a statue, staring as Kuroo tidied up a few spots, mumbling things Kei wasn’t listening to. 

“It’s fine--” Kei interjected. “You can stop, it looks fine, Tetsuro.” He knew saying his name was like a magic spell. 

Kuroo stopped, sat on the couch, and Kei joined him. Without saying a word, Kei leaned over and kissed him gently. “That’s why I was sick of people. I wanted to do that all night.”

“Me, too.” Kuroo smiled. “So this concludes the tour of all the places in my life right now.”

“I liked it.”

“I’m glad.”

“Now when we talk you won’t feel quite as far away.”

As they talked about nothing, Kei could feel Kuroo relax and then suddenly tense again. The pattern repeated as Kei moved closer on the couch, first laying his head on his shoulder, then resting a careful hand on his leg. Everytime something changed, Kuroo would relax into it, lean his own head over or put his arm around Kei, but then he’d tense up again. 

“Tetsuro…” He tried to use his tone to ask about it without having to say anything.

“Kei…”

Kei slipped down so his head was lying on Kuroo’s thighs. He raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“You already know what I’m thinking.” Kuroo looked down at him and mindlessly ran his fingers gently through the tips of his hair. 

“I promise, I don’t. Remember, we’re not good at that.”

Kuroo sighed, but a small smile escaped, too. “You remember in the hallway this summer, I tried to stop things from progressing and you, uh, didn’t let me?”

Kei nodded. He felt torn between remembering the event triumphantly or laden with guilt. The beginning of a lot of misunderstanding.

“This is like that. Back then, I told myself it was because I didn’t want to push you. That was true, but it’s mostly for me. I need to know that this, you, is different than before. I need to know that I’m doing it all differently.”

“Aren’t you already?”

“Yes, but,” he sighed again, “it’s hard to explain. I really don’t want to mess up.”

Kei took Kuroo’s other hand and rested it on his stomach, putting both of his hands on top. “I can understand that.” And he did, but the same forces that pushed him to make the choices he did last year were still there. Kuroo was so close and he was never this close. He also didn’t know the next time they would find themselves together. He understood, but seeing Kuroo flipped a switch in him. It always did. That evening it didn’t feel like a wildfire, but it still wasn’t contained. 

“Trust me. I’ll punch myself for it later.”

“I just don’t know when I can see you next.” There were still fingers tracing soft circles in his hair. Kuroo closed his eyes. “And it is different, right? You feel differently, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“I do, too. I’m really working on not being horrible. I wouldn’t be so awful to you this time.”

Kuroo opened his eyes and laughed. “You’re never horrible.”

“So what is okay today?” Kei pushed his head up from Kuroo’s lap onto the same shapeless throw pillow Kuroo always rested on when they talked. He was up higher now, his lower back where his head used to be.

“This is fine.” Kuroo leaned down and kissed him once quickly, but he didn’t pull back away. “And this is fine.” His breath was warm on Kei’s lips before he kissed him again, more slowly.

“And is this okay?” Kei spoke into Kuroo’s lips before moving his hands up to Kuroo’s shirt, pulling him forward, deepening the kiss. 

“Yes.” Kuroo’s hands found new purchase around Kei’s waist and on his shoulder. “And this is fine.” He slid his tongue along Kei’s bottom lip and Kei’s mouth parted quickly, ready to remember that sensation. 

Before long, Kei was sitting up in Kuroo’s lap, legs still on the couch, but hands roaming from his arms, to his chest, to the mess of bedhead that he loved to run his fingers through. Kuroo’s hands were moving along his back, under his shirt, and one held the back of his head, holding him close until they broke apart to breathe. 

Kei pulled back panting and swung one leg around so he was straddling Kuroo’s lap. On his knees he took off his glasses and looked down at him. “Okay?”

“Mmhmm.” Both of Kuroo’s hands gripped his back, fingers digging in just a little.

“You sure?”

In response, those hands pulled Kei closer, closing the distance between their mouths, their chests, their hips. They moved together, slow and lazy, while Kuroo alternated between letting Kei’s tongue roam his mouth and running wet kisses up and down Kei’s neck. Kei let every sound escape when he did and he could feel Kuroo’s response below his own growing arousal. 

He rolled his hips forward slightly and Kuroo moaned into his neck. He did it again, a little more pressure, and breathlessly whispered, “okay?”

“Mmmm, god yes.” And Kei felt Kuroo’s hips roll up into his spread legs. 

Strong hands ran up Kei’s back and back down. Staring at the hem they dragged his shirt up a few inches. He nodded and slid out of his own shirt before helping Kuroo out of his. Kei kissed a line down from his collarbone to his stomach, then traced a trail back up with his tongue. Kuroo shuddered. This was new. This was magnificent. If Kuroo’s arms and legs had been amazing, then his chest and abs were art that Kei finally got to taste. 

Time disappeared and the whole world to Kei was just Kuroo’s mouth on his own or on his skin, their chests pressed together while the growing heat between his legs pushed into Kuroo slowly at first but continued to build.

Kei felt Kuroo’s hands slide down his bare back and into the tops of his jeans. He bucked at the touch and Kuroo grinned against his lips, the earlier tension gone. 

“You better now?” He breathed into Kuroo’s neck. 

“Yes.”

“Things are different this time?”

“Things are always different with you.” 

Kei could feel the way he was straining against the front of his jeans. He dropped a hand from Kuroo’s hair and settled it on the front of his pants, running up and down his growing heat, frustrated that jeans were not like volleyball shorts. 

Kuroo reacted by undoing the button and zipper of Kei’s jeans. Kei’s breath hitched when warm hands found his length and started gently stroking up and down.

“Still okay?” Kei bit his lip and nodded. 

Undoing his own zipper, Kuroo whispered “hang on,” and for a moment Kei snapped back to reality, his self-consciousness returning. Straining, Kuroo reached into a small draw on the end table right next to them and pulled out a small bottle of lube. 

“Easy access, because I don’t think you understand what seeing you in bed or the sounds you make when you’re tired do to me.” 

“Like this?” Kei sighed the way he does when his muscles ache and he sinks down into his pillow. 

“I like these better.” And Kuroo started kissing him hard up and down his jaw, licking trails up his neck, his hand finding Kei’s length again and stroking up and down. In moments, he was panting like before.

Kuroo pushed him closer with a firm hand on his back and suddenly they were touching. Kuroo had one hand wrapped around both of them. He slid his finger tips up and down slowly before he stopped and used his other hand to help open the lube and pour it into his ready hand. When he started to move again, the sensation was strange but not unwelcome. Wet, warm, and filled with a much more satisfying friction than in the park.

Feeling Kuroo’s heat against his own was almost too much. He wanted to watch Kuroo’s face, see how he was reacting, but Kei couldn’t keep his eyes open. He used both hands to grasp Kuroo’s shoulders and his head rolled back just a little as the slick hand alternated speeds, finding a rhythm that worked for them both. Kuroo’s mouth licked warm trails across Kei’s chest, stopping to suck on the soft skin below.

Louder moans escaped Kei’s mouth as Kuroo growled something low and heavy. Kei’s head fell back down and came to rest on Kuroo’s forehead, gasping for breaths as he felt a familiar heat begin to build. Being able to feel Kuroo’s response every time he moaned was so good. He played with the sounds leaving his mouth, finding the ones that made Kuroo rumble in the back of his throat.

His hand slowed and he used this thumb to trace circles between the two of them. Kei whimpered.

“You sound perfect.” Kuroo firmed his grip, but kept the pace slow.

“You talk too much.” Kei panted.

His hand started moving gradually quicker. “You close, Kei?” He purred.

Kei dropped his head into the crook of Kuroo’s neck, breathing heavily. “Mmhmm.”

Kuroo quickened the pace again and Kei made choked sounds as he finally spilled onto himself and the other man. His lips found Kuroo’s and he kissed him deeply while Kuroo stroked himself until his breath also escaped in ragged groans. 

Kei slumped against Kuroo’s chest, resting his head in the crook of his neck, wholly disinterested in the fact that both of their releases were now smeared between them. They stayed like that for a while, catching their breaths, until Kuroo gently held Kei by the shoulders and guided him over to the empty side of the couch.

“Gotta clean up.” He came back with a warm washcloth and Kei leaned back, finding himself enjoying a moment that would typically have been beyond embarrassing. 

After, Kei resumed his position resting in Kuroo’s lap, savoring the fact that no one could walk by, they weren’t outdoors, and no one had to trek back home with everything drying in their shorts like last time. 

“Still fine?” Kei whispered.

“Better than fine. I like that we don’t have to walk back to a group of people like nothing happened this time. I like that you’re still here.” His hand was back to lazily playing with Kei’s hair. “In fact, if you could get up for a second -”

Kei sat up and Kuroo padded his way over to his kitchen. Kei could hear the fridge open and Kuroo returned with a slice and a half of cake. “Desert!” He announced, just like earlier in the evening. 

“Not giving up on desert?” Kei laughed lazily. 

“Nah, I just want to shove a bunch of dates into one.” He sat back down next to Kei, leaning on him sleepily. “It’s different with you. It’s so much different with you.”

***  
A small package arrived in mid-March when Kei was counting down the days until the end of his second year. He’d been accepted into the fellowship program and now he was more determined than ever to keep his grades up, see where volleyball took them next year, and get ready for what was next. 

Wrapped in a brown paper bag, it looked unassuming, but Kei recognized the return address immediately. He opened it and discovered a small, black planner. He ran his fingers over the cover where his name and the year had been embossed in gold. 

There was a paperclip on one of the pages. He opened to the week and was shocked to find a small stack of bills under the clip. Beneath it was a note.

_This is just over half of the fare to come see me. I circled a good day with a big, red marker. I’ll be playing a match if you can come during your break. Maybe you’ll like watching me as much as I like watching you._

_Oh, and turn to the end of next March._

Kei stared at the note and the money. This was way too much. He felt his chest tighten as he turned to the last few pages of the planner.

In bright, bold, red letters Kuroo had written, “KEI MOVES TO TOKYO” and surrounded the days with black cat stickers.

Another smaller note was stuck to the side.

_I can’t know what day you’ll be here yet, but this is the week everyone starts, so I guessed. I’m ready!_

Kei felt a sting behind his eyes and he blinked it back. He didn’t expect them to breakup, but he also didn’t expect Kuroo to talk about things happening a year from now. It surprised him how excited he was, too, like he could already picture the day. Kuroo could help them unload boxes from the van and help him unpack and settle in once everyone else was gone. He could joke around with Akiteru and maybe meet his mom, a thought that was both scary and wonderful. 

If this was really going somewhere, then…

Kei took a deep breath, opened the door to his room, and walked to the living room where his mom was reading with a cup of tea sitting next to her. The lines he had practiced a thousand times in his head were a jumbled mess, but he was going to try.

“Mom, do you have some time? I need to tell you something.”

***  
The earliest set of trains he could catch still got Kei to Kuroo’s university a few minutes into Kuroo’s first set. Blaring music in his headphones had done little to calm the anxiety he felt walking around an unfamiliar place, unsure of where to go, but once he found the gym, caught sight of Kuroo, and his ears filled with the sound of sneakers and student chants, it was better. 

It was strange to see Kuroo as anything but a captain. He didn’t even play in the whole match, even though he was in a somewhat regular rotation. That same fierce determination was there, though. Kei started to understand how someone could hand over so much money to see someone they like play. It was captivating to see Kuroo dart across the court, jump to block, and dive for difficult receives. Kei wondered if this is what Kuroo saw when he watched him -- another side of the same person.

In between sets Kei saw Kuroo scan the spectators for him. Unwilling to wave, he held up his hand from where he sat towards the end near some stairs. Kuroo had no reservations, however, and waved to him with both arms, grinning wide, before a teammate elbowed him in his side. Kuroo pointed at Kei and laughed with his teammate, sharing some unknown conversation where Kei was probably the subject. His suspicions were confirmed when the other man meekly raised a hand to wave, too. 

Kuroo’s team won after only two sets. Kei remained in the stands long after most of the students had left, waiting for Kuroo to finish with the team’s post-game meeting. In between texting Tadashi nonsense and checking social media, he almost missed Kuroo trying to grab his attention. 

Most of the team had already left for the locker room, but a group of three stayed behind with Kuroo. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Tsukishima.” Kuroo slung a sweaty arm around him. 

Kei couldn’t yet look directly at any of them. He felt on display. “Nice to meet you.”

“Kuroo’s told us a lot ab-- actually, very little. He says you like your privacy.” One of them joked.

“I know! It’s been so hard, but I tried to be good, Kei.”

“I do know that your team made it to the high school nationals before, though. That’s cool.” 

Conversations with new people were so difficult. They were stale and forced. But if they were trying and being far less weird about it, then he could try, too. “Yea, it wasn’t bad.” He commented, finally looking at the people around him. “Though, Kuroo made it, too.”

“Oh don’t worry, he’s told us.”

“About a hundred times.”

Kei smirked.

“Well, if you got it, flaunt it.” Kuroo stretched his arms high. 

“Yea, that’s if you got it, Kuroo. None of us are starters yet.” Another man laughed.

Kuroo ran Kei through their names and he promptly forgot most of them, though he was trying. After all, if Kuroo felt this comfortable around them, enough to call Kei his boyfriend right away, they had to be good. He tried to chime in when he could, especially with a crowd-pleasing snarky remark about Kuroo when possible, but mostly he just sat back and existed, like he usually did in these situations. 

“I’m gonna go shower really fast because I smell--” Kuroo started as the small group made their way to the locker rooms.

“Correct, very much. And you got it on my sweater.” 

“--and the guys were wondering if we wanted to get lunch with them. We usually do after a game. It’s okay if not. I know meeting new people can be overwhelming and I do want to just spend time with you while you’re here, but you know, it’s up to you.”

“You’re rambling.” Kei turned to face him. “It’s like getting to see the places in your life here, right? Like we did last time?” It wasn’t just the distance for them, Kei had realized. It was that their whole lives had been lived in separate places, with separate people. With each part of Kuroo’s college life he got to be a part of, the less the physical distance seemed to grow when they couldn’t see each other. “We can go. Quick lunch, right?”

“Kei, are you sure?” He asked, but he was already kissing Kei before he could answer. “Thank you.”

The five of them sandwiched in to a small booth at a curry restaurant with one chair at the end. Taking a seat up against the booth wall, Kei did his best to stay present, to not lose himself to storms of negative thoughts, and mostly he did a good job. Again, he popped into the conversation when he could, but he didn’t want to talk about school and raise a big banner over his head that read “STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL,” though they probably already knew, and the rest of them just talked so fast and so loud. 

The good outweighed the bad, though. He was getting to meet Kuroo’s friends as his boyfriend and underneath the table, Kuroo drew circles on his thigh with his fingertips and rested his hand on his. 

“‘Peopled’ out, Kei?” Kuroo asked him after lunch.

“Yes, ‘peopled’ out.” Kei’s introvert bubble had officially burst. He was content, but tired.

“Good, though?”

“Yes, but no more people.”

“And I’m not--” Kuroo knew the answer that was coming, but he liked to ask it everytime. He liked to know he was inside Kei’s bubble.

“No, you’re not people.” Kei reassured him with a smirk. “Oh, I got you something.” He fished in his pocket, then held out his hand.

Looking surprised, Kuroo opened his palm. A dandelion fell from Kei’s hand into his. “I don’t know what flowers mean either, but this is a weed I got outside the train station.”

Kuroo blinked and held it to his chest. “Sap.”

“Boyfriend.”

***  
Back at the apartment, Kei still felt like a visitor somehow. He lingered in the hallway, unsure of where to go, until Kuroo pulled him over to the couch and on top of him. 

He landed with a grunt. “Need you be so obvious, Tetsurou?” He chided, but he was glad the easiness was back. Navigating new situations was stressful, but this? This was simple. Kuroo’s mouth on his, their hands tangled in each other’s hair or clothes, this came naturally. Kei felt tension leaving his body in a way that only happened around Kuroo. He chased that warm, dreamy feeling with every touch. 

After the initial rush, they’d slowed down, removing shirts and settling in to deep but unhurried kisses. Kei loved hearing Kuroo’s heavy breaths and feeling the heat on his skin everywhere Kuroo touched with his strong hands. 

Catching his breath, Kei slumped into the crook of Kuroo’s neck, a favorite spot.

Kuroo lazily twisted Kei’s hair. “I could do that all day.”

“We could, you know.” Kei smiled.

The hand on his head stopped. “Kei, I hope you know, I’m happy with anything we do.” Kuroo turned and kissed Kei’s forehead. “We have time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you.” He murmured, burying himself into Kuroo’s side, because he knew Kuroo wasn’t just talking about this one day. We do have time. He’s not going anywhere. Kei’s train was later that evening, but he wasn’t going anywhere either, not really. That warm, dreamy feeling settled in, stronger this time. “How can you say things like that without getting embarrassed?”

“Because I’m saying them to you.”

***

 

***

 

***  
One year later… 

“Stop asking me where things go. This place is one room and it’s the size of a postage stamp. Just stack them in the middle. We’ll go through them later.” Kei sighed, but not even he could wipe the stupid grin off his face today.

Earlier his mom met Kuroo outside of his university housing. He had visited Miyagi a few more times in the past year, but Kei made sure they didn’t meet properly until moving day. After telling her everything else he had figured out about himself years ago, it was too much to bring home a boy and try to brush him off as another friend, even if she had technically already met him once. And introducing him as a boyfriend was well beyond his comfort zone still. Though, Akiteru told him she’d already connected a lot of the dots herself. After Kei brought home a friend that wasn’t Tadashi, she’d ask Akiteru who Kei was always texting and who Kei was talking to at night. 

When they met, Kuroo gave the stiffest bow and tried to casually work his way through a clearly rehearsed introduction. She let him talk, then she patted his arm, called him “Tetsurou-kun,” and thanked him for helping today. Kei could tell she was still sizing him up, but the most awkward part was over and moving his few belongings had gone quickly enough. 

Kuroo grabbed his water bottle from a stack of boxes. “It’s way too hot to still be spring.”

“So, stop trying to show off.” Kei teased, leaning on Kuroo’s shoulder.

“I want your mom to know I’m strong.” He laughed. “And that I can take care of you.”

“Unnecessary,” he paused, leaning closer to Kuroo’s ear, “I already know you can take care of me.” He planted a kiss on Kuroo’s cheek before taking a few steps towards the door. “In fact, I’ve been thinking. We’ve been taking things slowly, which I have appreciated, but,” he paused and shuffled some boxes, so Kuroo couldn’t see the grin on his face, “I think I want more. Don’t you, Tetsurou?” He asked in an innocent voice, looking back over his shoulder to see Kuroo standing wide-eyed, eyes darting from him to the door.

“Don’t worry. We’ll hear them before they come in.” He walked back over. “And you’ll hear me tonight.”

Kuroo cast one last look at the door before pulling Kei in closer. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well,” Kei did his best to keep up his flat, teasing tone, like he was simply talking about the weather, “we’ve only discussed it in passing, but tonight I’ve decided I’d like you to fill me up.” He let the last few words leave his mouth slowly as she turned out of Kuroo’s embrace.

Kuroo held his shirt and pulled him back so Kei’s back was against his chest. “You can’t say things like that and just walk away.” He breathed against his ear.

“There’s a lot to do between now and then.” He pressed himself against the front of Kuroo’s shorts. “So we better stay focused.” He pulled himself free once again. “After the boxes are in, we’ll have to unpack and you can help me settle in. No fun until we’re done!”

Akiteru pushed open the propped door, struggling with a box of books. “Only a few things left.”

As he turned to walk back out the door, Kuroo passed Kei and whispered, “Just wait for the things I’ll say to get you unfairly riled up when you meet my dad.”

“Looking forward to it.” Kei called back and he meant it, in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh! It's done! (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ
> 
> I meant it when I said I'd been out of the fic writing game forever. My last time around, I was still writing 1x2 slash fics for Gundam Wing on fanfiction.net. ~Memories~ But the fandom life always calls and Haikyuu sucked me right back in, especially these two. The moment I visited the 3rd gym with them, I was a goner.
> 
> Putting things you create into the world is SO HARD, but all of the kudos, the bookmarks, the subscriptions, and the "sometimes made my eyes sting from their loveliness" comments made the journey so much easier and so, so, so much more fun. 
> 
> I'm not super sure what's next, but there will be more! (Had some low-key DaiSuga that was on the back burner that I'll work on now, but I know I'm not done with KuroTsukki.) Back to teaching children to read and write tomorrow, so I won't get to live the leisurely winter break life where I can write all day, but things are on the horizon.
> 
> Thank you everyone who came along for the ride. I hope it was enjoyable. That's all I wanted!

**Author's Note:**

> I've been out of the fic writing game for about 100 years, but the Haikyuu fandom is a beautiful one and I had to contribute, too. Kurotsukki has taken over my life and I am very happy about it. 
> 
> Kudos will make me cry happy tears. Bookmarks will make me weep. Comments will make me do all of the above and write you back with my never-ending gratitude.
> 
> [Chat with me on twitter @HeyMellieJellie](https://www.twitter.com/heymelliejellie)


End file.
